(film reel clicking) (bright music) (bright orchestral music) (woman vocalizing) (gentle orchestral music) (dog barking) >> Joe: "Nick's Pacific Street Saloon, Restaurant, and Entertainment Palace.

Come in and be yourself.

Nick."

(Joe chuckles) That's Nick.

I don't know what his name is.

We call him the Arab.

I'm Joe.

And that's Willie, the marble game maniac.

(gentle orchestral music) (ball rumbling) >> Good morning, everybody.

Paper, mister?

Paper?

>> How many do you have?

>> Five.

Holy smoke, mister.

Thanks.

>> No foundation, all the way down the line.

(gentle orchestral music) >> This is a free country, ain't it?

>> You can't beat that machine.

>> Oh, yeah?

>> Tom?

(whistles) Tom!

>> What do you want?

>> I want Tom to get me a watermelon.

That's what I want.

What do you want?

Money or love or fame or what?

You'll never get them reading the racing form.

>> I like to keep abreast of the times.

>> Tom: Hiya, Joe.

>> Who saved your life?

>> You did, Joe.

>> How'd I do it?

>> What?

>> How did I do it?

>> Joe, you know how you did it.

>> I want you to answer me.

How did I save your life?

I've forgotten.

>> Well, you made me eat all that chicken soup three years ago, when I was sick and hungry.

>> Chicken soup?

>> Yeah.

>> Three years ago?

Was it that long?

>> Yeah, sure, Joe.

>> Oh.

Tell me the whole story.

>> Well, uh, well, you took me up to the doctor, and you gave me some money for my food and my clothes, and you paid my room rent.

Aw, Joe, you know all the things you did.

>> You in good health now?

>> Tom: Yeah.

>> Got clothes?

>> Yeah, sure, Joe.

>> Eat three times a day, sometimes four?

>> Yeah.

Sometimes five.

>> Got a place to sleep?

>> Yeah, sure, Joe.

>> Well, then where in the blazes have you been?

>> Well, Joe, I was out in front with the boys.

They were talking about the trouble down on the waterfront.

>> Well, I want you be around here when I need you.

>> I will.

I will.

>> Now, here.

Take this money and go down to the emporium.

You know where the emporium is?

>> Yeah, sure, Joe.

>> You take the elevator to the fourth floor, and walk around to the back to the toy department and buy me some toys.

Bring them here.

>> Yeah.

Toys?

What kind of toys?

>> Any kind of toys.

Little ones I can put on this table.

>> What do you want toys for?

>> What?

>> All right, Joe.

All right.

You don't have to get sore at everything.

What are people gonna think, a big guy like me buying toys?

>> Joe: What people?

>> Aw, Joe, you're always making me do these crazy things for you, and I'm the guy that gets embarrassed.

>> Do as I tell you.

>> Okay.

But I still wish I knew why.

>> Wait, before you go, take this dime and put it in the phonograph.

Number six and seven.

>> Joe, what do you hear in those old songs, anyway?

I'll bet we listen to them 10 times a day.

Why can't we ever hear number 16 or 11 or two or somethin'?

There's lots of other numbers.

>> Put the dime in the phonograph.

>> Boy, I'm glad I don't have to stay and listen to 'em.

>> And sit down and hold still for number six.

>> Oh.

>> Then go get me the toys.

>> Okay.

>> And nevermind being a martyr about it, either.

Cause isn't worth it.

♪ Wait till the sun shines, Nellie ♪ ♪ And the clouds go drifting by ♪ ♪ We will be happy, Nellie ♪ ♪ Don't you cry ♪ >> She's a good kid, Nellie, God bless her.

♪ Down Lover's Lane we'll wander ♪ ♪ Sweethearts, you and I ♪ ♪ Wait till the sun shines, Nellie ♪ ♪ By and by ♪ >> Beer.

(upbeat music on jukebox) >> Tom.

Tom.

We got everything straight?

>> What?

>> What do you mean, what?

I just gave you some instructions.

>> Well, what do you want, Joe?

>> I want you come to your senses.

>> Oh.

I got it, I got it.

The emporium, fourth floor, in the back, the toy department, $2.00 worth of toys that you can put on the table.

>> Get back here in a half hour.

Don't get sidetracked anywhere.

Just do as I tell you.

>> Yeah.

Joe, can I bet four bits on the horse races?

There's a long shot, Precious Time, gonna win by 10 lengths.

Joe, I gotta have some money.

>> I thought you wanted him to get you a watermelon?

>> I forgot.

What's the dream?

>> What?

>> What's the dream now?

>> What dream?

>> Joe: What dream?

The dream you're dreaming.

>> Suppose he did bring you a watermelon.

What would you do with it?

>> I'd put it right here on the table, and I'd look at it.

And then I'd eat it.

What do you suppose I'd do with it?

>> How should I know what you'd do with anything?

What I'd like to know is where do you get your money from?

What work do you do?

(Joe chuckles) >> Bring us a bottle of champagne.

>> Champagne?

>> Would you rather have something else?

>> What's the big idea?

>> Joe: Oh, I just thought you might like some champagne.

>> Yeah, but what's the big idea?

You can't push me around.

>> I dislike being unkind to another human being.

>> Well, you be careful what you think about me.

>> I have nothing but the noblest thoughts of both your person and your spirit.

>> What are you talking about?

>> You shut up!

>> Oh.

He owns this place.

He's a very important man.

All kinds of people come to him looking for work.

Comedians, singers, dancers.

>> I don't care.

He can't call me names.

>> Okay, sister.

I know how it is with you dames in the morning.

>> Don't you dare call me names.

I, I used to be in burlesque.

>> If you were ever in burlesque, I used to be Diamond Jim Brady.

>> I was in burlesque.

I, I played the burlesque circuit from coast to coast.

I've had flowers sent to me by European royalty.

I've had dinner with young men of wealth and social position.

>> You're dreamin'.

You're a B-girl at Manigi's joint up the street.

>> I was in burlesque.

Kitty Duval, that was my name.

Life-sized photographs of me in costume in front of burlesque theaters all over the country.

>> I believe you.

Have some champagne.

Miss Duval.

>> That's not my real name.

That's my stage name.

>> I'll call you by your stage name.

>> All right, sister, make up your mind.

You gonna have champagne with him or not?

>> Pour the lady some wine.

>> Okay, professor, okay.

But why you come to this dump instead of one of them high-class joints uptown is more than I can understand.

(cork pops) Why don't you have champagne at the Park Plaza?

Why don't you drink with a lady?

>> Don't you dare call me names, you, dentist.

>> Joe: Dentist?

>> What kind of cussin' is that?

Listen, this guy don't belong in here.

The only reason I got champagne is because he keeps ordering it all the time.

And don't think you're the only one he drinks champagne with.

He drinks with all of them.

He's crazy or something.

>> Nick, I think you're gonna be all right, in a couple of centuries.

>> Sorry, I don't understand your English.

>> To the spirit, Kitty Duval.

>> Thank you.

(gentle orchestral music) >> Nick?

>> Yeah?

>> Would you mind putting another nickel in the phonograph?

Number seven-- >> Seven.

I know, I know.

I know.

I don't mind at all, your highness.

Although personally I'm not a lover of music.

As a matter of fact, I think Tchaikovsky was a dope.

>> Where did you ever hear of Tchaikovsky?

>> He was a dope.

>> Yeah, why?

>> They talked about him on the radio one Sunday morning.

He let a woman make a sucker out of him.

>> Ah, I see.

>> I stood behind that bar listening to that stuff and cried like a baby.

"None But the Lonely Heart."

He was a dope.

>> What made you cry, Nick?

>> What?

>> What made you cry?

>> I don't know.

>> I've been underestimating you, Nick.

>> Get everybody worked up.

Then give everybody stuff they shouldn't have.

He was a dope.

>> I like champagne.

And everything that goes with it.

Big houses with big porches, big rooms with big windows.

And big trees, and big shepherd dogs sleeping in the shade.

I'd walk out of the house and I'd, I'd look at the trees, and smell the flowers.

And I'd run across the lawn and lie down under a tree and read a book, a book of poems maybe.

>> I'm goin' next door to Frankie's to make a bet.

I'll be right back.

>> Make one for me.

>> Who do you like?

>> Precious Time.

>> Precious Time?

>> Mm-hmm.

$10.

>> To show?

>> On the nose.

>> Okay, it's your money.

>> Elsie, oh Elsie.

(phone dial clicking) Oh, why do I always forget the number?

Oh.

>> What's the dream now, Kitty Duval?

>> I dream of home.

I always dream of home.

I have no home.

I have no place.

But still I dream of all of us together again.

We had a farm in Ohio.

There was nothing good about it.

It was always sad.

There was always trouble.

But still, still I dream about it as if I could go back there.

Mama would be there and Papa and my brother, Louie, and my little brother, Stephen.

I'm Polish.

Duval.

My name is not Duval.

It's Koronovsky.

Katerina Koronovsky.

We lost everything.

So we moved to Chicago.

We tried to work.

We tried to stay together, but, my brother, Louie, got into trouble and I tried to help him.

The fellas Louie was with killed him for something.

I don't know what.

I'd like to forget about Chicago.

I, (sighs) what's the dream?

I dream of home.

(gentle orchestral music) >> Are you Nick?

(tap shoes clicking) >> Hello, Sunset 7-3-4-9?

May I speak to Miss Elsie Mandelspiegel?

(tap shoes clicking) >> You Nick?

>> I am Nick.

>> Can you use a great comedian?

>> Who, for instance?

>> Me.

>> You?

What's funny about you?

>> I dance.

I do gags and stuff.

>> In costume, or are you wearing your costume?

>> All I need is a cigar.

>> Nick: Do you supply it?

>> Yes.

>> All right.

Get funny.

>> Okay.

(tap shoes clicking) Now, I'm standing on the corner of Third and Market.

I'm looking around.

I'm figuring it out.

It's all there, right in front of me, the whole city, the whole world.

I see people going by.

They're going somewhere.

I don't know where they're going, but they're going.

I ain't going anywhere.

Where can you go?

I'm figuring it out.

All right, I'm a citizen.

A fat guy bumps into an old lady.

They were in a hurry, they bumped, boom.

What does it mean?

War.

(tap shoes clicking) War!

(tap shoes clicking rapidly) >> Elsie?

Oh, hold it a minute, will you, please?

Elsie?

Elsie, this is Dudley.

Elsie, I'll jump in the bay if you don't marry me.

Life isn't worth living without you.

I, I can't sleep.

I can't think of anything but you all the time, day and night and night and day.

Elsie, I love you.

I love you.

What?

Is this Sunset 7-3-4-9?

7-9-4-3?

Well (sighs), well what's your name?

>> Uh, Lorene.

Lorene Smith.

>> Lorene?

Lorene Smith?

Oh, I thought you were Elsie Mandelspiegel.

>> Oh, you did.

(laughs) Uh, what's your name?

>> Dudley.

Yeah, Dudley R. Bostwick.

Yeah R, it stands for Raoul, but I never spell it out.

>> Uh, pleased to meet you, Dudley Raoul.

(banging on pinball machine) >> I'm pleased to meet you too.

What?

There's a lotta noise around here.

Where am I?

At Nick's on Pacific Street.

I work at the SP.

I told 'em I was sick, and they gave me the afternoon off.

Oh, wait a minute.

I'll ask him.

I'd like to meet you, too.

Yeah, sure, I'll ask him.

Hey, what's this address?

>> Number seven Pacific Street, you cad.

>> Cad?

You don't know how I've been suffering on account of Elsie.

I take things too ceremoniously.

I've got to be more lackadaisical.

Hello, Eleanore, uh, I mean Lorene.

It's number seven, Pacific Street.

>> Number seven, Pacific.

Oh, wait till I get a pencil.

Write this down.

Oh.

(Lorene breathing heavily) Number seven, Pacific.

I'll be there in a jiffy.

Now, now you wait for me.

>> Yeah, sure, I'll wait for you.

How will you know me?

Oh, you'll know me.

I'll recognize you.

Goodbye.

>> Goodbye.

(sighs) Dudley Raoul.

Oh.

Ooh, oh, oh.

Oh.

>> Oh, Elsie.

>> Nobody's got a sense of humor anymore.

The whole world's dying for comedy like never before.

Nobody knows how to laugh.

>> What I've gone through for Elsie.

>> I got all kinds of funny ideas in my head, to help make the world happy again.

>> What in the world do I want to see a girl named Lorene Smith for?

Some girl I don't even know.

>> See if you think this is funny.

It's my own idea.

I made this dance up myself.

It's sort of a speech, a political speech.

(tap shoes clicking) (pinball machine ringing) (tap shoes clicking) >> Beer?

>> No, sir.

I'd like to talk to you.

>> Well, what's on your mind?

>> Well, I-- >> Come on, speak up.

You hungry or what?

>> Honest, I ain't hungry.

All I want is a job.

I don't want no charity.

>> Well, what can you do?

How good are you?

>> Well, I can run errands, clean up, wash dishes, anything.

>> You belong to a union?

>> What union?

>> For the love of Mike, where you been?

Don't you know you can't walk into a place and ask for a job and get one and go to work just like that.

You gotta belong to one of the unions.

>> I didn't know.

I've gotta have a job real soon.

>> Well, you gotta belong to a union.

>> I don't want any favors.

All I want is a chance to earn a living.

>> Go in the kitchen.

Tell Sam to give you some lunch.

>> Honest, I ain't hungry.

>> No, he ain't hungry.

>> Soup, Sam.

>> Bowl's up.

>> Make it snappy.

Sit down here, we'll fix you right up.

There, eat that.

That'll make you feel better.

Give him some chow mein and coffee, too.

Why didn't you tell me you were hungry?

>> Thank you.

I didn't know I was that hungry.

>> Feel better now, huh?

>> Mm-hmm.

>> That'll hold you for a while.

Come in the bar when you feel like it.

Uh, no check, Sam.

(tap shoes clicking) Hey, hey.

What do you think you're doing?

>> That's a new step.

I'm a natural-born dancer and comedian.

>> Look, you're no good.

Why don't you try some other kind of work?

Why don't you get a job in a store selling something?

What do you wanna be comedian for?

>> I've got something for the world, and they haven't got sense enough to let me give it to them.

>> Elsie.

Now I'm waiting for some girl I've never seen before.

Lorene Smith, never saw her in my life, just happened to get the wrong number.

She turns on the personality and I'm a cooked Indian.

Gimme a beer, please.

>> Nick: Comin' up.

>> Hey, Nick, you gotta see my act.

If I don't wow 'em, okay, I'll go home.

If Vaudeville wasn't dead, a guy like me'd have a chance.

>> Listen, you're not funny.

You're a sad young guy.

What do you wanna try to be funny for?

You'll break everybody's heart.

What's there for you to be funny about?

You've been poor all your life, haven't you?

>> I've been poor, all right.

But don't forget that some things count more than some other things.

>> What counts more, for instance, than what else, for instance?

>> I think talent, for instance, counts more than money, for instance, that's what.

And I've got talent.

I get new ideas night and day.

Everything comes natural to me.

I've got style.

I just need a little time to round it out, that's all.

(lively piano music) (tap shoes clicking) >> I run a dive in Frisco.

Guy arrives, makes me stock up with champagne.

B-girls come in, holler at me that they're ladies.

Talent comes in, begs me for a chance to show itself.

Even society people come in here once in a while.

I don't know what for.

Maybe it's the location.

Maybe it's my personality.

Maybe they can't feel at home anywhere else.

(lively piano music) >> Please dance with me.

>> I never learned to dance.

>> Oh, anybody can dance.

Just, just hold me in your arms.

>> I'm sorry, I can't dance.

I only wish I could.

You'll have to excuse me.

(lively piano music) (tap shoes clicking) What'd you get?

>> Toys.

That's what you sent me for.

The girl asked me what I wanted with toys, and I didn't know what to tell her.

Joe, you gotta give me some money.

After all the things you've done for me, I'd do anything in the world for you, but you gotta give me some money once in a while.

>> Take her out, and show her a good time.

Do you dance?

>> Yeah.

I won fourth prize at the Palomar five years ago.

>> Dance with her.

>> Dance with her?

>> Yeah.

Kitty Duval, the burlesque queen.

I mean, queen of the world burlesque.

Dance with her.

She wants to dance.

(upbeat piano music) >> Comes in here, wants to be a dishwasher.

He faints from hunger.

Then he sits down, plays better than Heifetz.

>> Heifetz played the violin.

>> All right, don't get careful.

He's good, ain't he?

(relaxed piano music) >> Kitty.

>> Don't talk, just dance.

(relaxed piano music) >> What'll it be, lady?

>> Oh, I'm looking for the young man I talked to on the telephone, Dudley Raoul Bostwick.

>> Dudley Raoul Bostwick?

>> Yes.

>> Oh, yeah, Bostwick.

>> Oh.

Yes, Bostwick.

Oh.

>> Oh, oh, oh, Bostwick.

>> Yes.

>> Yeah, well, he left here 10 minutes ago.

>> Oh, no.

>> You mean, Dudley Bostwick, that old man in a wheelchair.

>> Wheelchair?

>> Yeah, Dudley Bostwick.

That's what he said his name was.

He said to tell you not to wait.

>> Well.

Are you sure you're not Dudley Raoul Bostwick?

>> Who me?

>> Yes.

>> Well, my name is Roger Tenefrancia.

I'm a French Canadian.

I never saw the poor fella before.

>> It seems to be your voice is the same voice I heard on the telephone.

>> Ah, a coincidence, an accident, a quirk of fate, one of those things.

Dismiss the thought.

They wheeled him outta here 10 minutes ago.

>> He said he was going to commit suicide.

I was only trying to be of help.

>> Be of help?

What kind of help could she be of?

Oh, Elsie.

Oh, Elsie.

She won't come to the phone, but I keep trying anyway.

She'll come to the phone one of these days.

If there's anything to true love at all, she'll come to the phone.

Hello.

Is this Sunset 7-3-4-9?

May I speak to Elsie?

Yes.

No, this is not Dudley Bostwick.

This is Roger Tenefrancia, of Montreal, Canada.

I, I'm a childhood friend of Miss Mandelspiegel's.

We, we went to kindergarten together.

(huffs) What?

Yes, I'll wait.

Thank you.

(relaxed piano music) >> I'm going next door to listen while Gallant Knight wins the third.

>> Joe: Precious Time is going to win it.

>> Nick: That's what you think.

(knocking at door) >> TV Announcer: They're at the post, standing quietly.

And there they go.

At the break and moving fast is Gallant Knight on top.

>> The third?

>> Yeah.

>> TV Announcer: Second by a head is Bluegrass Pride.

Running third between horses is Black Prince, and then Clarendon, fourth.

Then strung out behind the leaders comes Honey Car, Marnett, and Precious Time.

Gallant Knight is dropping back.

Going to the front now is Black Prince, followed closely by Clarendon.

And Precious Time is moving up fast now in a terrific drive, but he'll never make it!

And running third now is Gallant Knight.

Running fourth is Precious Time.

He's moving up on the outside, challenging Black Prince.

Yes, here he comes, Precious Time.

And look at that horse go!

>> Come on, Gallant Knight.

>> TV Announcer: It's Precious Time and Black Prince neck and neck, driving for the wire.

What a stretch drive.

Here they come, it's gonna be close.

Precious Time on the outside, Black Prince on the rails.

Gallant Knight is falling way back.

And here's the finish.

It's Precious Time by a nose!

(crowd cheering) >> Payin' out.

80 bucks.

All right, boys, get your bets down.

>> Hey, that's some gadget there.

>> How much did I win?

>> Huh?

>> How much did I win?

>> How do you know you won?

>> Don't be silly.

Tom said Precious Time was going to win, didn't he?

He's in love, isn't he?

>> Okay, I don't know why, but Precious Time won.

You get 80 for 10.

How do you do it?

>> Faith.

Faith.

How'd he win?

>> By a nose.

You look him up on the racing form, the slowest, the cheapest, the worst horse in the race, had the worst jockey.

What's a matter with my luck?

>> Joe: How much did you lose?

>> 50 cents.

>> You should never gamble.

>> Nick: Why not?

>> Because you always bet 50 cents.

You have no more faith than a flea, that's why.

>> Hey, Nick.

(tap shoes clicking) How do you like this?

>> That's not bad.

Hang around, you can wait on tables.

(lively piano music) Hey, Wesley, can you play that again tonight?

>> I don't know for sure, Mr. Nick, but I can play something.

>> Good.

You hang around, too.

(lively piano music) (tap shoes clicking) >> Hello, Nick.

(piano music slows) >> What do you wanna come here for?

You're too big a man it for a little honky-tonk.

>> Now, Nick.

>> Important people never come here.

>> I don't drink.

>> What do you want?

>> Nothing much.

Nothing at all.

You know me, Friendly Freddy.

>> Yeah, I know you.

Anything to make a dollar for Freddy.

>> Since when do you have B-girls working this trap, Nick?

>> I don't have none of that, and you know it.

Nobody gets a cut on any drinks sold here.

>> I see.

Who was the blonde?

>> What blonde?

>> Just went out, with the big guy.

>> Nick: How do I know who she was?

Kitty, Kitty something.

Kitty Duval.

>> Duval?

That don't sound right.

Was she ever in Chicago?

Was she ever in Chicago?

>> Maybe.

Maybe she was in Hawaii.

Maybe she was in Zamboanga.

I don't ask for geography with every 10-cent beer I sell.

>> If she was in Chicago, there'll be a record on her.

>> What are you driving at?

>> Don't get excited, Nick, it's bad for you.

>> I'll worry about me.

You worry about you.

>> I am, Nick.

I'm gonna need a couple a hundred the end of this week.

>> Yeah, I don't know where you're gonna get it from.

>> I think I do.

>> Listen, I got no use for you or anybody like you.

I don't like your personality.

>> Freddy: I'll be back tonight.

>> Do yourself a big favor, don't come back tonight.

>> Don't get into trouble, Nick.

(gentle piano music) >> You seem to be losing an old friend, Nick.

>> Every time that guy comes into this place I get burned up.

He's a no-good stool pigeon.

There's nothing he won't do.

Last month, McGovern's place was closed on a tip that girls was rolling drunks.

One guess who tipped the cops.

One guess who sent the girls in there.

Tell me one thing.

>> I'll do my best.

>> What does he wanna bother people for?

He's sick.

He's no good.

He hurts little people.

Sit down, friend.

Relax.

I'll break his head if he tries any of his stuff in here.

This is my joint.

I've got a good joint.

There's nothing wrong here.

Hey, comedian, stick to your dancing tonight.

I think you're okay.

>> Thanks, Nick.

Gosh, I'm on my way at last.

>> Hey, Wesley, do some more of that tonight.

That's fine.

>> Hello, is that you, Ma?

It's Harry.

I got the job.

>> Nick: Ha-ha.

(gentle piano music) >> Is it Madge Laubowitz?

>> Is what what?

>> Is the name Mabel Lapescue?

>> What name?

>> The name the initials M.L.

stand for, the initials on your bag.

>> No.

>> Margie Longworthy?

>> No.

(gentle piano music) >> Midge Lowery?

My initials are J.T.

>> John?

>> Martha Lancaster?

>> No.

Joseph?

>> That's my first name.

Everybody calls me Joe.

The last name's the tough one.

I'll help you a little.

I'm Irish.

Is it just plain Mary?

>> Yes, it is.

I'm Irish too, at least on my father's side.

English on my mother's side.

>> I'm Irish on both sides.

Mary is one of my favorite names.

I guess that's why I didn't think of it.

I met a girl in Mexico City once named Mary.

She was an American from Philadelphia.

She got married there, in Mexico City, I mean, while I was there.

That was very confusing, because I was under the impression we were in love, at least I was.

You never know about anybody else.

She was engaged to another man, you see, and her mother was with her, so they went through with it.

That must've been, oh, six or seven years ago.

Probably have three or four children by now.

>> Are you still in love with her?

>> Oh, no.

As a matter of fact, I'm not sure.

Eh, I suppose I am.

I didn't know they were engaged until a couple of days before they were married.

I thought I was gonna marry her.

I kept thinking all the time about the kind of kids we were likely to have.

My favorite was the third one.

The first two were fine, handsome and fine and intelligent.

But that third one, he was different.

Dumb and goofy-looking.

I liked him a lot.

When she told me she was going to be married, I didn't feel so badly about the first two.

It was that dumb one.

Do you have children?

>> Yes, two.

A son and a daughter.

>> Joe: Oh, wonderful.

Do they look like you?

>> Yes.

>> Then why are you sad?

>> I was always sad.

>> Joe: Who are you waiting for?

>> No one.

>> I'm not waiting for anybody, either.

>> My husband, of course.

>> Joe: Oh, yeah.

Sure.

>> He's a lawyer.

>> He's a great guy.

I like him.

>> Mary: You have responsibilities?

>> One and thousands.

As a matter of fact, I feel responsible to everybody, at least everybody I meet.

I've been trying for three years to find out if it's possible to live what I think is a civilized life.

A life that can't hurt any other life.

>> Mary: You're famous?

>> Very.

Utterly unknown, but very famous.

Would you like to dance?

>> All right.

>> Oh, I'm sorry.

I don't dance.

I didn't think you'd like to.

>> To tell you the truth, I don't like to dance at all.

>> I don't even like to walk.

>> Because of the champagne?

>> No, all the time.

I guess it's because I never got anywhere walking.

>> Were you ever in Paris?

>> Mm-hmm.

In 1934, and again in 1937.

>> What month of 1937?

>> September, and part of October.

>> I was there in October and November that year.

>> We were there at almost the same time.

Were you married?

>> Engaged.

Mother sent me to Paris, hoping I'd, well, find someone else, she said.

>> I wish I'd stayed through November.

>> Are you still in love with me?

Is it the champagne?

>> Yes.

Well, partly, at least.

>> If you don't ever see me again, will you be very unhappy?

>> Very.

>> I'm so pleased.

Please don't get up.

Goodbye.

>> Bye.

>> Paper, mister?

>> How many have you got this time?

>> 11.

Hey mister, you own this place?

>> I own this place.

>> Can you use a great lyric tenor?

>> A great lyric tenor.

Who?

>> Me.

I'm gettin' too old to sell papers.

I don't wanna holler headlines all the time.

I wanna sing.

You can use a great lyric tenor, can't you?

>> What's lyric about you?

>> My voice.

>> Oh.

All right, sing.

(piano key strikes) ♪ When Irish eyes are smiling ♪ ♪ Sure it's like a morn in spring ♪ ♪ In the lilt of Irish laughter ♪ ♪ You can hear the angels sing ♪ ♪ When Irish hearts are happy ♪ ♪ All the world seems bright and gay ♪ ♪ And when Irish eyes are smiling ♪ >> You Irish?

>> No, I'm Greek.

♪ Sure, they'll steal your heart away ♪ >> Ah, it's not bad.

Let me hear you again about a year from now.

>> Honest?

Did you like it, too, mister?

>> Very lyric.

What part of Greece?

>> Thessalonica.

Lyric, huh?

That's what I thought.

>> Don't wait a year.

Come back a little later with those papers.

You're a great singer.

>> Thanks.

Thanks, mister.

So long.

♪ When Irish eyes are smiling ♪ ♪ Sure it's like a morn in spring ♪ ♪ In the lilt of Irish laughter ♪ ♪ You can hear the angels sing ♪ ♪ When Irish hearts are happy ♪ ♪ All the world seems bright and gay ♪ ♪ But when Irish eyes are smiling ♪ ♪ Sure they'll steal your heart away ♪ >> You don't understand what I'm talking about.

>> You couldn't tell me what you meant if you knew what you meant.

(drunk man imitating siren wailing) >> Hi, Joe.

>> Hi, Krupp.

>> Nick.

>> Joe.

>> Two beers.

(tap shoes clicking) (telephone ringing) >> Nick's Pacific Street Restaurant, Saloon, and Entertainment Palace.

Good afternoon, Nick speaking.

Who?

Is there a Dudley Bostwick in the joint?

>> Hello?

Hello, Elsie.

You're, you're coming down?

She's coming down.

No, I won't drink.

Oh, gosh, Elsie.

>> Is that good?

>> I don't know, but it's honest and ambitious.

>> When you've worked so long, you're irresistible to people.

(tap shoes clicking) And here is where I really get going.

(tap shoes clicking) >> Excellent!

A most satisfying demonstration of the present state of the American body and soul.

Son, you're a genius.

>> I go out in front of an audience for the first time in my life tonight.

>> They'll be delighted.

Hey, where'd you learn to dance?

>> I never took a lesson in my life.

I'm a natural-born dancer.

>> Really?

>> And comedian, too.

>> You can make people laugh?

>> Well, I can be funny, but they won't laugh.

>> Well, that's odd.

How, well, why not?

>> I don't know why.

They just won't laugh.

>> Well, would you care to be funny now?

>> I'd like to try out a new monologue I've been thinking about.

>> Please do, and if it's funny, I promise you, I'll roar with laughter.

>> All right.

This is it.

I'm up at Sharky's on Third Street.

It's a quarter to nine, a.m., Pacific Standard Time, Wednesday, the 11th of October.

What I've got is a headache and a 1918 nickel.

What I want is a cup of coffee.

If I buy a cup of coffee with a nickel, I've gotta walk home.

I've got an age-old problem.

I'm thinking it over, like I always do.

What happens?

My ear aches.

My ear.

What do I do?

I get confused.

I go out and buy the morning paper.

What do I want with the morning paper?

What I need is a cup of coffee and a good used car.

Maybe the headline is about me.

I take a quick look, no.

The headline is not about me.

It's about a monster 7,000 miles away.

I'm here.

Who's the monster?

Who's behind the eight ball?

I turn around.

Everybody's behind the eight ball.

>> Take it easy, Krupp.

Son, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard, or seen, for that matter.

>> Then why don't you laugh?

>> Well, I don't know yet.

>> I'm always getting funny ideas that nobody'll laugh at.

>> It may be that you've stumbled headlong into some new kind of humor.

>> But what good is it, if it doesn't make anybody laugh?

>> Well, there are kinds of laughter, son.

I must say, in all truth, that I am laughing, although not out loud.

>> I wanna hear people laugh, out loud!

>> They may catch on, son.

Give 'em time.

Give 'em time.

Let's go, Krupp.

(drunk man imitating siren wailing) So long, Joe.

>> So long.

Nick, play number six, will you?

Hey, there's a horse named McCarthy going in the fifth today.

>> Yeah.

>> Bet everything you have on McCarthy.

>> Have you gone crazy?

That horse is a double-crossing no good.

I wouldn't bet a nickel on him.

You bet everything you got on McCarthy.

>> I don't need money.

>> What makes you think McCarthy's gonna win?

>> McCarthy's name is McCarthy, isn't it?

The horse is going to win, that's all.

Today.

>> Why?

>> You just do as I tell you, and everything will be all right.

♪ She's a good kid, Nellie, God bless her.

♪ >> McCarthy likes to talk and talk.

Hey, Joe, you don't believe that Kitty do you, about being in burlesque?

>> I believe dreams sooner than statistics.

>> She sure is somebody.

Called me a dentist.

>> What's the matter?

(jukebox clicks off) What happened?

>> Ah, it's Kitty.

She's up in her room, crying.

>> Crying?

>> Yeah.

I've been talking to her all this time, and she won't stop.

>> Well, what's she crying about?

>> I don't know.

She kept talking and, and I couldn't understand anything.

She kept telling me about a big house and a, and a lot of collie dogs running around and, and flowers and, don't play that.

>> Tom?

Tom?

>> I can't stand Kitty crying.

>> You want to marry her?

>> Yeah.

>> Why?

>> I don't know.

I guess I love her, that's all.

>> You sure now?

All right, here.

Take all this money and run next door to Frankie's, and put it on the nose of McCarthy in the fifth.

>> All this money on McCarthy?

>> Yes, hurry up, it's nearly post time.

>> Gee, Joe, if McCarthy wins, we'll be rich, huh?

>> Get going, will you?

>> Yeah.

>> McCarthy.

Just because you get a little lucky this morning, you gotta go to work and throw away 80 bucks.

>> He wants to marry her.

>> Suppose she don't wanna marry him.

>> Well, now why do you suppose she wouldn't wanna marry a nice guy like Tom?

>> Well, she's been in burlesque.

She's had flowers sent to her by European royalty.

She's dined with young men of quality and social position.

She's above Tom.

>> Joe, they were running when I got there, and Frankie wouldn't take the bet.

McCarthy didn't get a call until the stretch, and I thought we were gonna save all this money.

And then McCarthy wins by two lengths.

>> Mm, what'd he pay, 15 to one?

>> Better, but Frankie wouldn't take the bet.

>> Well, for the love of Mike!

>> Gosh.

We'd have won about $1,500.

>> Yeah.

Take this money, and go down to Schwabacher-Frey.

And buy me some maps of the world.

And on the way back, stop at one of those pawn shops on Third Street, and buy me a good revolver and some cartridges.

>> What about Kitty?

>> What are you gonna do, study the map, and then go out and shoot somebody?

>> I wanna read the names of some towns and rivers and valleys and mountains.

>> What do you want with that revolver?

>> I wanna study it.

I'm interested in things.

And tell the man you don't know anything about firearms, and you're trusting him not to cheat you.

And don't pay more than $15.

>> Joe, what're you sending me off for crazy things for all the time?

>> They're not crazy, Tom.

Now go get them for me, will you?

>> Well, what about Kitty?

>> Let her cry.

It'll do her good.

>> Joe, if she comes in here while I'm gone, will you talk to her?

Tell her about me.

>> All right, now get going, will you?

And, don't load that gun.

Just buy it and bring it here.

>> (chuckles) You won't catch me loading any gun.

>> Wait a minute, take these toys away.

>> Where'll I take 'em?

>> Give 'em to some kid.

No.

Take 'em up to Kitty.

Toys stopped me from crying once.

>> Shall I, Joe?

Take 'em up to Kitty?

You think they'll make her happy?

>> They might.

You get curious about the way they work.

That's what they're for.

>> Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

I'll take 'em up to Kitty.

>> Mr. Nick?

>> Yeah?

>> Can I play the piano again?

>> Well, sure, what do you think I'm paying you for?

>> You're going to pay me for playing the piano?

>> I'll give you enough to get by on.

>> Get money for playing the piano.

>> Well, Nick.

Nick, (speaking foreign language).

Corned beef, the ham-- >> Yeah, but I-- (mother speaking foreign language) Okay.

(mother speaking foreign language) >> Goodbye.

>> Goodbye.

>> Goodbye.

>> Who was that?

>> My mother.

>> What'd she say?

>> Nothing, just wanted to say hello.

What do you want with that gun, Joe?

>> I study things, Nick.

>> Hey.

>> Mm.

(Murphy chuckles) >> Murphy's the name.

Just an old trapper.

You mind if I sit down?

>> Be delighted.

What'll you have?

>> Beer, same as I been drinking.

>> Glass of beer, Nick.

>> Thanks.

I don't suppose you ever fell in love with a midget weighing 39 pounds?

>> Can't say I have.

>> Down in Gallatin, 20 years ago, fella named Rufus Jenkins came to town with six white horses and two black ones.

Said he wanted a man to break the horses for him.

Had a meeting down at Parker's mercantile store, and finally it came to blows.

Bashed a brass cuspidor door over his head and ran away to Mexico.

But he didn't die.

(laughs) Couldn't speak a word.

Took up with a cattle breeder named Diago, educated in California.

Spoke the language better than you and me.

He said, "Murph, your job was to feed them prize bulls."

I said, "Fine, fine.

What'll I feed them?"

He said "Hay, lettuce, salt, beer, and aspirin."

(laughs) Came to blows two days later, over an accordion he claimed I stole.

I had borrowed it.

Busted the accordion over his head.

Ruined the finest accordion I ever saw.

Grabbed a horse and rode back across the border.

Texas.

Got to talking with a fella that looked honest.

Turned out to be a ranger that was looking for me.

>> Yeah, you were saying, uh, a 39-pound midget.

>> Will I ever forget that lady?

(laughs) Will I ever get over that Amazon of small proportions?

>> Will you?

>> If I live to be 60.

>> 60?

You look more than 60 now.

>> No, son.

That's trouble showing in my face.

Trouble and complications.

>> Oh, that accounts for it, then.

Well, go ahead, tell me more.

>> I told the Texas Ranger my name was Rosstein, a mining engineer from Pennsylvania, looking for something worthwhile.

I mentioned two places in Houston.

(Murphy chuckles) I nearly lost an eye early one morning, coming down the stairs.

Bumped into a six-footer with an iron claw where his right hand was supposed to be.

Said, "You broke up my home."

I told the feller I was a stranger in Houston.

Six-foot tall and an iron claw, say, that's bad been on the nerves.

Kicked him right smack in the teeth!

When he made a swipe at me with his claw.

I'd have lost an eye, except for quick thinking.

He rolled outta the gutter, pulled his gun.

Fired seven times.

I went on down the street, running, of course.

Left town 20 minutes later, all dressed up in a woman's silk dress and feathered hat.

Did you ever try to herd cattle on a bicycle?

>> No.

And I never fell in love with a midget weighing 39 pounds.

>> Left Houston with 60 cents in my pocket, gift of a girl named Lucinda.

Walked 14 miles in 14 hours.

Great big house, barbed wire all around.

Great big dogs.

Dogs jumped up and came for me.

I walked right through 'em, growing older every second.

Walked up to the door and knocked.

An old man came to the door, 90 if he was a day.

Sawed-off shotgun, too.

I said "I ain't looking for trouble, father.

I'm hungry and thirsty.

Name's Cavanaugh."

Took me in and made mint juleps for the two of us.

Said, "You living here alone, father?"

Says, "Drink your drink, and ask no questions."

If I was to tell you that that old southern gentleman was my grandfather, you wouldn't believe me, would you?

>> I might.

>> (laughs) Well, it so happens he wasn't.

It would've been romantic if he had been, though.

>> Where do you herd cattle on a bicycle?

>> Hackensack, New Jersey, 19 and 18.

>> Hackensack, New Jersey?

They don't herd cattle in Hackensack.

>> They don't anymore.

They did in 1918.

One fella did, least ways.

Bookkeeper named Sam Gold.

Straight from the East side of New York.

Sombrero, lariat, (indistinct), two head of cattle and two bicycles.

Called his place the Gold Bar Ranch.

Two acres, right out of the city limits.

That was the year of the war, you remember?

>> Yeah, I remember.

But how about herding those cows on a bicycle, how'd you do it?

>> Easiest thing in the world, rode no hands.

Had to.

Otherwise I couldn't lasso the cows.

I worked with Sam Gold and the cows ran away.

Bicycles scared them.

Never saw hide nor hair of 'em again.

Broke poor Sam's heart.

Took four aces, a deck of red cards and walked to town.

Poker.

A fella in the game named Harry Sotherby liked to gamble.

I told him, with a smile, that I didn't think he'd care that the $100 I wouldn't hold four aces the next hand.

He called it.

My cards were red on the blank side.

The other cards were blue.

I'd plum forgot all about it.

Showed him four aces.

Would have been killed on the spot, except for the hurricane that year.

>> Hurricane?

>> Well, you ain't forgot the Hackensack hurricane of 1918, have you?

>> No.

There was no hurricane in Hackensack in 1918, or any other year.

>> There weren't?

Then what in tarnation do you suppose all that commotion was?

And how come I come to in Chicago, dream walking down State Street at high noon?

>> They must have scared you.

>> No!

That wasn't it.

Now, you look up the papers of November 1918, and I think you'll find there was a hurricane in Hackensack.

I remember sittin' on the roof of a two-story building, floating northwest.

>> Northwest?

>> Now son, don't tell me you don't believe me, either.

>> Of course I believe you.

Living is an art.

It's not bookkeeping.

It takes an awful lot of rehearsal for a man to get to be himself.

>> You're the first man I've ever met who's really believed me.

(Murphy laughs) >> Give her the toys?

>> Yeah, I gave 'em to her.

>> She stop crying?

>> No, she started crying harder than ever.

>> Mm, that's funny.

Wonder why.

Here, play number seven.

>> Yeah.

Say, uh, Joe?

If I'd have got there a bit sooner, Frankie would've taken the bet, and we'd have had about $1,500 now.

How much of it would you've given me?

>> If she'd marry you, all of it.

>> Would you, Joe?

>> Mm-hmm.

>> Joe, you think we'll ever have $80 again sometime for a race, when there's a 15 to one shot that we like?

The weather's good, the track is fast.

They get off to a good start.

Our horse doesn't get a call until the stretch, and we think we're gonna lose all that money, and, and then he wins, by a nose.

>> I didn't quite get that.

>> Well, you, you know what I mean.

>> You mean the impossible?

No, Tom, we won't.

We were just a little late, that's all.

>> We might.

>> Well, not likely.

>> Well then, Joe, how am I ever gonna get enough money to marry Kitty?

>> I don't know, Tom.

Maybe you aren't.

>> Oh, Joe.

I gotta marry Kitty.

You oughta see the crazy room that she lives in.

>> What kind of a room?

>> Oh, it's little.

It crowds you in.

It's bad, Joe.

Kitty doesn't belong in a place like that.

>> You wanna take her away from there?

>> Yeah.

Yeah.

I want Kitty to live in a house that there's room enough to live in.

Kitty oughta have a garden.

>> You wanna take care of her?

>> Yeah, sure, Joe.

I oughta take care of somebody good, so I can feel good.

>> Well, that means you'll have to get a job.

What can you do?

>> Well, well I finished high school, but I don't know what I can do.

>> Well, sometimes when you think about it, what do you think you'd like to do?

>> Well, I'd, I'd like to sit a around like you, Joe, and have somebody run errands for me, and drink champagne, take it easy, never be broke and not have to worry about money.

>> That's a noble ambition.

>> Joe, I gotta do something for Kitty.

I got to.

>> Get my hat.

>> Yeah.

You mean you're gonna get up?

>> She's crying, isn't she?

>> Yeah, but I've seen you sit in one place from 10 in the morning till two the next morning.

>> Well, at my best, Tom, I just don't travel by foot, that's all.

Come on.

I'll find some way to stop her from crying.

(bouncy piano music) (tap shoes clicking) (bouncy piano music) (tap shoes clicking) (bouncy piano music) (tap shoes clicking) (bouncy piano music) (Wesley vocalizing) (tap shoes clicking) (bouncy piano music) (tap shoes clicking) (lively piano music) (tap shoes clicking) >> To the old.

To the new.

To children and small animals, like little dogs that don't bite.

(cash register clangs) To reforestration.

(cash register clangs) To unemployment insurance.

(telephone ringing) >> Come on, all of ya.

If you're looking for it, I'll give it to ya.

>> Who?

(Murphy grumbling) Nick?

Nick, yeah, he's here.

Nick, it's for you.

I think it's important.

>> It's important?

What's important?

>> Police sergeant.

>> Police sergeant, that's important.

>> I'll do it for ya.

>> Quiet.

Quiet.

I wanna hear this important stuff.

>> I'm 58 years old.

Been married four times.

Father of countless children whose names I don't even remember.

I haven't got no money.

I live from hand to mouth.

But if there's anything I can do, name it, and I'll do it for you.

>> Look, Pop, just a minute.

Please, sit down.

Go back to sleep, for me.

>> I can do that, too.

>> Yeah, sarge?

Girls with records workin' in my place?

Has anybody made a complaint against me?

Well, if it ain't a complaint, what is it?

Grapevine?

Look, sarge, you've known me for years, why...

Listen, sarge, for your information, the grapevine's name is Blick.

He was here this morning, and I told him not to come back.

He looks for trouble every place, and he always finds it.

I don't break any laws, and you know it.

I've got a dive in the toughest part of town.

Five years, nobody's been robbed, murdered or jipped.

I leave people alone.

Your swanky joints uptown make trouble for you every night.

All right, all right.

I'll be careful.

Start playing again.

My ears have got a headache.

Go do your dance, son.

>> Trouble coming?

>> Weasel named Blick.

>> What kind of a weasel is this weasel, Blick?

>> Nick: Very dignified.

Toenails on his fingers.

>> Anybody at all, you can count on me.

(playful piano music) >> That's my father.

>> (laughs) Well, bless your heart, child.

Bless your lovely little heart.

>> Maria.

What are you doing here?

Now you get back home where you belong, you hear?

Go on.

Go home, and help grandma fix papa's supper.

Go on.

Go ahead.

(happy piano music) Go on.

Go on.

(happy piano music) >> I had a little daughter point me out in a crowd once.

Oh yeah, mm-hmm.

>> You're broke, ain't you?

>> Always.

Always.

>> All right, go in the kitchen.

Give Sam a hand, eat some food.

>> Anything at all.

I know a good man when I see one.

>> Another beer?

(gentle music) >> Hello, Dudley.

>> Elsie!

Oh, Elsie, you'll never know how glad I am to see you.

>> I'm sorry about not answering the phone.

I love you, Dudley but-- >> Just to see you.

I was afraid I'd never you again.

It was driving me crazy.

I didn't want to live, honest.

>> I know you love me, Dudley, and I love you.

But don't you see it's impossible?

>> Maybe it isn't, Elsie.

>> Love is for birds.

They have wings to fly away on when it's time for flying.

>> I know.

I know.

You told me before, but I can't help it, Elsie.

I love you.

>> Ah.

>> Ah.

We should've knocked.

>> Oh, just go ahead with what you were doing.

>> Pardon us.

>> Oh, please don't leave on account of us.

>> And do have a lovely time.

Hm.

(sassy music) Nick, what kind of a joint are you running here?

>> Very strict, no unescorted females.

>> Mm, since when?

>> Since now.

Sergeant Finnegan called.

>> That mouth with an elephant's body?

>> Spend your time at the movies the next couple of days.

>> B-Girl: Movies?

>> They give me a pain.

>> All about love.

>> Pain or no pain, for the next couple of days, the flat-foots are gonna be romancing it, so stay outta here.

>> I always was susceptible to a man in uniform with a badge, a club, and a gun.

>> All right, get going.

(curious orchestral music) >> We was just going.

We were formally models at Magnus.

>> Yes.

(curious music) (brass band music) ♪ Thorny was the crown that he wore ♪ ♪ And the cross his body overcame ♪ ♪ Grievous were the sorrows he bore ♪ ♪ But he suffered not thus in vain ♪ ♪ May I to the fountain be led ♪ ♪ Made to cleanse my sins here below ♪ >> Thank you.

>> Next stage show, 10 o'clock.

>> There's nobody in this joint.

>> Hey, Kit Carson!

>> Whoa, Jenny, whoa.

(woman screams) (Murphy snickers) ♪ Wash me in the blood of the lamb ♪ ♪ And I shall be whiter than snow ♪ >> Brothers and sisters.

Brothers and sisters, I was a sinner.

I chewed tobacco and I drank liquor.

But now I've been saved.

>> Hallelujah.

>> Saved-- >> Amen.

>> Saved, saved-- >> Hallelujah.

>> 54.40 a pint.

Millions for defense, but not one cent for a tribute.

The union must be preserved.

You may fire when ready, Grimly.

I'm goin' below.

(upbeat band music) >> Nothing.

>> Nothing?

>> Nothing yet.

>> You wanted to visit a honky-tonk.

Well, this is a honky-tonk, and I've had enough of it.

>> No, wait.

>> Oh, Joe, what are we gonna do with this?

>> Take it outside, and give it to some worthy hold-up man.

>> Wonderful.

Guns.

>> How should I know who's a hold-up man?

>> Take it away.

Give it to somebody.

>> Do I have to give it to somebody?

>> Course.

>> Can I take it back and get some of our money?

>> Stop talking like a tightwad.

Go find somebody who appears to be in need of a gun, and give it to him.

>> Simply marvelous.

>> Joe, how can I tell who's in need of a gun?

>> Tom, you've seen good people who have needed guns, haven't you?

>> Well, I, I don't remember.

I might give it to the wrong kind of a guy, and he might do something crazy.

>> All right, then give her to me.

I'll find somebody.

Here.

Here.

Uh, yeah, take this money and get me uh, this week's Time LIFE, Look, Pick and Click, and, uh, 12 or 15 packages of gum.

>> Life TIME, Look, Pick and Click, and 12 or 15 packages of gum.

>> That's right.

>> All that gum, Joe?

What kind?

>> Mm, all kinds.

Mix 'em up, any kind.

>> Licorice, too?

>> Ooh.

Licorice, by all means.

>> Juicy Fruit?

>> Mm-hmm.

Juicy Fruit.

>> Tutti Frutti?

>> Tutti, is there such a gum?

>> Oh, sure, Joe.

That's the best kind.

>> All right then.

Tutti Frutti, too.

Get all the kinds, any kind they're selling.

>> Life TIME, Look, Pick and Click, and all the different kinds of gum.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> They're both mad.

>> Aw, wait, uh, get uh, get some jelly beans too, all the different colors.

>> All right, Joe.

>> And, uh, the longest Panetela cigars you can find.

Six of 'em.

>> Six Panetelas, I got it.

>> Uh, wait, uh.

Wait, uh, give uh, give a newsboy a dollar.

>> Okay, Joe.

>> Give uh, give an old man a dollar.

>> Okay, Joe.

>> And give the Salvation Army outside a couple of dollars, and tell them to play that song that goes, uh, let the lower lights be burning, send a gleam across the waves.

>> Let the lower lights be burning, send a gleam across the wave.

♪ Some poor dying, struggling seamen ♪ ♪ you may rescue, you may save ♪ >> Okay, Joe, I got it.

Time LIFE, Look, Pick and Click, all the different kind of chewing gum that that they're selling, jelly beans, six Panetela cigars, a dollar for a news boy, a dollar for an old man, $2 to the Salvation Army.

Let the lower lights be burning, send a gleam across the wave.

>> That's it.

>> Okay.

(Murphy grumbling) >> He's absolutely insane.

>> I can't help it if he's crazy.

Do you wanna go back to where people aren't crazy?

>> Oh, no.

Not for the world.

>> Well, all right, then.

Don't be telling me every minute that he's crazy.

>> Well, you needn't be huffy about it.

>> Presbyterian?

>> Went to a Presbyterian Sunday school.

>> Fond of singing?

>> On occasion.

Get yourself a glass, and sit down.

♪ Let the lower lights be burning ♪ ♪ Send a gleam across the wave ♪ ♪ Some poor drowning, struggling seaman ♪ ♪ You may rescue ♪ ♪ You may save ♪ ♪ Yes, you may save ♪ (both laugh) >> Always was fond of that song.

Used to sing it at the top of my voice.

Never saved a semen in my life.

>> I saved a seaman once.

>> Oh?

>> Well, it wasn't exactly a seaman.

Fella named Wellington, heavy-set sort of a fella.

Nice personality, but no friends to speak of, not until I came along at any rate.

In New Orleans, in the summer of the year of 1899.

I was a lot younger then, of course, and wore no beard, but was regarded by many people as a man of means.

>> Uh, you know anything about guns?

>> Ha.

All there is to know.

I didn't fight the Ojibwes for nothing.

Up in the Lake Teckaloka County in Michigan.

Oh, about 1881 or two.

Fought 'em right up to the shore of the lake.

Made 'em swim for Canada.

One fella in particular, an Injun named Harry Daisy.

>> Well, uh, what sort of gun would you say this is?

Any good?

>> Well, that looks like a mighty nice hunk of shooting iron.

That's a six-shooter.

I shot a man with a six-shooter once.

Got him right through the palm of his right hand.

Lifted his arm to wave to a friend.

I thought it was a bird.

A fella named Caroway.

Larimore Caroway.

>> Mm-hmm.

Well, uh, do you know how to work one of these?

>> (chuckles) Do I know how to work it?

Oh, hand me that little gun, son, and I'll show you all about it.

Uh, yeah, that's uh, probably (clears throat) one of them new kind of six-shooters, after my time.

Ain't nicked an Injun in years.

Now, let's see now.

I think, yeah, get this, and then this is supposed to come up like, ow!

That's it.

That, there it is.

(laughs) >> Yeah, it look all right?

>> Oh, you got a good gun here, son.

Yes.

I'll explain it to you.

See them little holes?

Well, that's where you put the cartridges.

>> Oh, fine.

Show me how it's done.

>> Well, first, you put 'em in one by one, like this.

That's one.

There's two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Ah.

Well, this six-shooter only holds five.

Then you put the barrel back in place like that.

You cock it.

Then all you got to do is aim and fire.

(woman screams) >> Please, sit down.

>> Is it all set?

>> Oh, ready to kill.

>> Okay, well let me hold it.

>> Now careful, son, don't cock it.

Many a man's lost an eye foolin' with a loaded gun.

Feller I know named Denny Donovan lost a nose, ruined his whole life.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> Now, now, now hold it firm.

Squeeze the trigger.

Don't snap it.

Spoils your aim.

>> Fine.

Well, let's see now if I can unload it.

>> Of course you can.

>> Well, thanks.

I'm very grateful to you.

>> It's a beaut, son.

>> Ooh.

(pinball machine bells ringing) >> Ha-ha-ha, boy.

There you are, Nick.

You thought I couldn't do it, eh?

Now watch.

One.

(patriotic music) Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

And, six!

Oh-oh, boy, what a beautiful country.

Hey, Nick.

I told ya I could do it.

How 'bout that?

You see, I knew I could do it.

Pretty good, eh?

I finally did it.

Oh-oh-oh, boy!

Isn't that wonderful?

(pinball machine whizzing) (patriotic music) Okay, how's that?

I knew I could do it.

Six nickels.

It took me a little while, but I finally did it.

It's scientific, really.

With a little skill, a man could make a modest living beating the marble games.

Not that that's what I wanna do.

I just don't like the idea of anything getting the best of me, a machine or anything else.

There's no other way a man can be a success at anything.

I've never seen you before in my life, but I can tell from the kind of clothes you wear, and the kind of company you keep, that you're a man who looks every problem straight in the eye, and then goes to work and solves it.

I'm that way myself.

Well, it's, it's been wonderful talking to a nicer kind of people for a change.

Well, I'll, I'll be seeing ya.

So long.

Goodbye, lady.

You've got a good man there.

Take good care of him.

So long, Nick.

>> Well, I'm a knock-kneed weasel.

You know, for a while there, I didn't think that young Assyrian was gonna make it.

Hey, you know that fella's got something.

>> Joe: You get it all?

>> Yeah.

>> Let's have some of that chewing gum.

>> Okay.

>> Yeah, Tutti Frutti, all right.

You know, I've always wanted to see how much gum I could chew at one time.

Tell you what, Tom, I'll bet that I can chew more at one time than you can.

>> All right.

>> I'll referee.

>> All right.

Did you get the, uh, get the jelly beans?

>> Oh, yeah.

>> Let's have a look at 'em.

>> I had a little trouble finding 'em.

>> Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm, same as ever.

>> I can remember the first time I ever ate jelly beans.

Baltimore, 1878.

>> Mm-hmm.

Joe?

>> Mm?

>> What'd you wanna move Kitty into the Park Plaza for?

>> Oh, nice room.

>> There's two.

>> And, uh, three.

>> Oh, three.

>> Uh, good food, good clothes.

She'll be all right, Tom.

>> Gee, I hope so.

Don't you think she might get lonely up there?

She hadn't got anybody to talk to.

>> There's never anybody anywhere for her to talk to, except you.

>> Me, Joe?

>> Mm-hmm.

You know, you're the other half of that girl.

You belong with that little kid in Ohio who once dreamed of living.

I put her in that hotel so she can have a chance to gather herself together again.

I, I want her to be lonely for a while, so she can come together the way she was meant to be at the beginning.

Loneliness is good for people, Tom.

And right now, it's the only thing for Kitty.

Any more licorice?

>> Hm?

>> Licorice?

>> Oh.

Gee, I guess we chewed all the licorice in, Joe.

We've still got Clove, double-mint, spearmint, beechnut, tea berry, and Juicy Fruit.

>> Murphy: He's ahead of ya, Joe.

>> You, uh.

You uh, you really wanna marry her, don't you?

>> Honest, Joe, except I haven't got any money.

>> Well, we've gotta figure out something that you can do that won't bother you very much.

>> I wish I could.

>> Tom, would you be embarrassed driving a truck?

>> Say, I never thought of that.

Yeah, I like that.

Gravel and highways and little towns and coffee and hotcakes and beautiful valleys and mountains and streams and trees and daybreak and sunset.

>> There is poetry in it at that.

>> Yeah.

Yeah, that's the kind of work I oughta do, Joe.

>> Well, here's a nickel.

Go call tuxedo 9-9-9-4.

>> Just sit there and travel and look and smile and bust out laughing.

(laughs) Hey, Joe, can I take Kitty along with me sometime?

>> I don't know.

Ask for Mr. Keith.

>> Hello.

I'd like to talk to Mr. Keith.

Muh, Mr. Keith.

>> Take that gum out of your mouth for a minute.

>> Mr. Keith.

Yeah, that's right.

They're gettin' him.

>> Hello?

(gum thuds) (gum thuds) You win, Tom.

Hello, Keith?

Joe.

Fine.

Forget it.

Uh, have you a place for a good driver?

I don't know.

You haven't got a driver's license, have you?

>> No, Joe, but I can get one.

>> No, but he can get one easy enough.

Stall the union.

He'll join later.

Sure, call him a vice president, and say he drives for relaxation.

Sure.

What do you mean, tonight?

Well, I don't see why not.

All right.

I'll send him right over.

Huh, thanks.

>> Am I gonna get the job, Joe?

>> He wants to take a look at you.

>> How do I look, Joe?

>> Put up your head.

Stick out your chest.

How do you feel?

>> Fine.

>> You look fine, too.

Now look, Tom.

Here's uh, here's 10 bucks.

He may want you to get into a truck and begin driving to San Diego tonight.

>> Ooh, I gotta tell Kitty.

>> I'll tell her.

>> Take good care of her, Joe.

>> Don't worry about her, Tom, she'll be all right.

Now take a cab down to Townsend and Fourth.

The Keith Motor Transport Company.

He'll be waiting for you.

Get going.

>> Okay.

Joe.

Joe.

Thanks.

>> Don't be silly.

Have yourself a pleasant smoke.

On your way.

Give the slummers one each.

>> All right, Joe.

There we go.

There you are.

>> What do you think you're doing?

>> Uh, really, dear, I'd like to.

>> Oh, this is too much.

>> I'd really, really like to, dear.

>> Come on now, take a big, deep draw.

>> The mother of four children, and she's still looking for romance.

>> Hey, where you guys been?

We gotta have some entertainment around here.

Can't you see them fine people from uptown?

>> You said to come back at ten, for the second show.

>> Did I say that?

>> Sure, you did.

>> That's exactly what you said.

>> Say, was the first show all right?

>> That wasn't a show.

There was nobody here to see it.

How could it be a show when nobody sees it?

>> I think people are afraid to come down to the waterfront.

>> On account of the strike.

>> Yeah, come on back here.

I want you to tend bar for a while.

>> Yes, sir.

>> I'm gonna take a walk over to the pier.

You society people made up your minds yet?

>> Oh, uh, have you any boilermakers?

>> Two boiler-- >> No.

>> Oh, all right.

Have you champagne?

>> What do you think he's been pouring out of that bottle, water or something?

>> Have you any on ice?

>> I got a dozen of 'em on ice.

He's been drinking champagne in here day and night for a month now.

>> Bring us a bottle.

>> Bottle a champagne, Harry.

Rattle the keys a little, son.

Hiya, varmint.

>> Enough pounding.

>> All the way down the line.

(upbeat piano music) (slow harmonica music) >> Hello, Kitty.

>> Hello, Joe.

>> Nice seeing you again.

>> I came in a cab.

>> Hm.

Bring a glass.

>> Where's Tom?

>> Getting a job tonight, driving a truck.

Be back in a couple of days.

>> Oh, Joe.

Joe, I've gotta talk to you.

I, no.

>> You look fine.

>> Joe, I was never in burlesque.

We were just poor.

I tried other things.

>> Here's to you, Katerina Koronovsky.

Here's to you and Tom.

>> Joe, he asked me to marry him.

>> Mm, he wanted to see you and say goodbye.

>> But he's too good for me.

Tom's just like a little boy.

Too many things have happened to me.

>> Kitty, you are one of the few truly innocent people I've ever known.

Now he'll be back in a few days.

Go on back to the hotel and wait for him.

>> That's what I mean.

I can't stand being alone.

I'm no good, Joe.

I've tried.

I've tried awfully hard.

I don't know what it is, but, I miss-- >> Oh, I don't know what to tell you, Kitty.

>> I don't belong at the Park Plaza.

It's what I've wanted all my life.

It's too late.

>> I didn't mean to hurt you.

>> Oh, you haven't hurt me.

I've never known anybody like you.

I don't know much about love anymore, but I know I love you.

And I know I love Tom.

>> I love you too, Kitty.

>> Oh Joe, what kind of a life can I give Tom?

>> You're good for Tom.

Tom's good for you.

>> Think I should go back to the hotel and wait for him?

>> I can't tell you what to do.

I think it might be a good idea.

>> All right.

Oh, Joe it's so lonesome.

>> Mm, might take a whole week, Kitty.

>> Ooh.

>> Didn't you speak of reading a book, a book of poems?

>> Oh, I didn't know what I was saying.

>> Of course you knew.

I think you'd like poetry.

Wait here a minute.

>> Oh, please don't leave me, Joe.

Please, don't leave me.

>> Don't worry.

>> Where are you goin'?

>> To get you some books, poetry.

>> All right, Joe.

>> Taxi.

(air horn blaring) (gentle harmonica music) >> Where's Nick?

>> He went for a walk.

>> Shut up.

Who are you?

>> Harry.

>> What's your name, sister?

>> Kitty Duval.

What's it to you?

>> Where do you work?

>> I'm not working just now.

I, I'm looking for work.

>> What kind of work?

What kind of work?

>> You go jump in the bay!

>> Don't give me any of your gutter lip.

>> You can't talk to a lady that way in my presence.

>> What'd you say?

>> Well, you've got no right to hurt people.

Who are you?

(Murphy groaning) >> Is he a police officer?

>> I don't know.

>> Now then, what kind of work?

>> Excuse me, mister.

But it seems to me that you have-- >> Shut up.

>> No right to talk to the poor child like that.

>> Shut up, I said.

>> Well, are you gonna stand for such insolence?

>> Are ya?

>> Come on, get out of here.

>> Now then, let's start all over.

What's your name?

>> Kitty Duval.

>> Where do you live?

>> Until tonight I lived at the New York Hotel, room 21.

This evening, I moved to the Park Plaza.

>> Oh, the Park Plaza, huh?

It's a nice place.

Where do you work?

>> I'm looking for work.

>> Freddy: What kind of work do you do?

>> I'm an actress.

>> Freddy: I see.

What movies have I seen you in?

>> I used to be in burlesque.

>> You're a liar.

>> Kitty: It's the truth!

>> What are you doing here?

>> I, I came here to see if I could get a job.

>> Freddy: Doing what?

>> Singin' and dancing.

>> You can't sing or dance.

What are you lying for?

>> I can so.

I sang and danced in burlesque all over the country.

>> You're a liar.

You're from Chicago.

Your name is Katerina Koronovsky.

>> No.

>> Freddy: You served two years in the state pen.

You're an ex-con.

>> No, it's not true.

I, I was in burlesque.

My name is Kitty Duval, I tell ya.

I, I sang, and I danced, and, I said lines, too.

>> So you danced in burlesque, huh?

>> Yes.

>> All right.

Let's see what you did.

>> No, I can't.

It's, it's, there's no music, and I haven't got the right clothes.

>> There's music.

Hey you, play something.

Go on!

All right, Kitty Duval.

Get up on that stage.

Get going, now.

And let me see you dance the way you did in burlesque all over the country.

Start playing.

(gentle piano music) I thought you said you could sing.

♪ Saw you there one wonderful day ♪ ♪ You took my heart and threw it away ♪ >> (laughs) All right.

Start taking 'em off.

♪ In heaven above ♪ ♪ What is this thing ♪ No.

No, I don't have to take 'em off to be any more naked than I am already.

All right, I was never on the stage before just now.

I made up lies about myself, because I was ashamed of the truth.

Well, I'm not ashamed now, I'm proud.

I'm proud because I never hurt anyone in my life.

You, you hurt anybody you can find who happens to be scared and weak.

Well, you're finished hurting me, because I just can't be hurt anymore.

I'll tell ya who I am.

I am Katerina Koronovsky.

I guess you know who you are.

>> Kitty.

What are you doing up there?

>> It's that man, Blick.

He made her do it.

He beat up the old man, too.

(cups rattling) (Harry thuds) >> Blick!

(gun clicking) That dumb Tom.

Buys a six-shooter won't even shoot once.

>> Joe!

>> Kitty, you'll love it in San Diego.

(adventurous music) (Sam speaking indistinctly) (Murphy yelling indistinctly) >> By John, I never asked for a quarter, but I always gave it!

Which way'd he go?

>> That-a way.

>> By Joe, I'm on him.

He hit me while I was looking at him.

I'll have him hog-tied and stoned before you know it.

Gosh darn him, where is he at?

Take him to me.

Hook or horn, I'll get him.

That's all I want.

(chandelier rattling) I don't see where... Oh, they don't make lariats like they used to.

>> Mr. Nick.

Mr. Nick.

Mr. Nick.

Mr. Nick.

>> Let's see, if I...

I'll catch him right by his gizzard.

I'll show you.

There he is.

Turn him around, Joe.

Turn him around my way, then duck.

That's it.

Hey Arab, give me a hand, will ya?

(Sam speaking foreign language) (Joe grunts) >> No you don't.

(Murphy chuckles) >> Just be careful!

(gunshot blasts) (glass shatters) (Kitty screams) (Murphy chuckles) >> Deader than a mackerel.

>> I heard a shot.

What happened?

Will somebody tell me what happened?

>> Just killed a man and don't even know his name.

>> Blick.

>> Blick.

(chuckles) That oughta look nice on a headstone.

>> There goes my license.

>> You expect you'll hang for this?

>> Just give me 10 minutes ahead of the posse.

That's all I want.

>> Gonna cheat the law, huh?

>> No, no, no.

I'm willing to take my punishment, given I'm caught.

>> Hey, Kitty!

Kitty, I got a job.

>> Sh, watch this.

>> Friends.

Friends.

Friends, I didn't like the way this victim spoke to ladies, and hit gentlemen.

I am a man of few words, but fierce action.

This man's thoroughly unreliable.

I killed a man.

Didn't I, son?

>> Now where do you get that stuff, killed a man?

>> Well I fired a shot at him, didn't I boy?

>> Sure, but you missed him.

>> I could have swore he was as cold as a mackerel.

>> He was.

But this is what did it.

>> Murphy: Then he's not dead?

>> No, he's not dead.

>> It would've been kinda nice if he had've been.

(laughs) >> What are you standing there for?

Nobody said anything profound.

You wanna get married, don't you?

>> Now that's a silly question.

Don't even answer it, Tom.

You do, don't you, Tom?

(gentle orchestral music) >> Well then why don't you beat it?

You got a girl, you've got a job, and you've got your health.

What more do you need?

>> Well, who's gonna take care of you, Joe?

>> I'm sick of the sight of you.

Bless you, and beat it.

>> Just a minute.

Ain't nobody gettin' married, unless I kiss the bride first.

>> All right, Kit.

(gentle orchestral music) >> Heh.

Try following that, young feller.

I better be getting outta here.

I can feel her changing her mind.

>> I'll never change my mind, Kit.

Tom is faithful, handsome and, and hard-working.

>> Who, me, Kitty?

(Kitty laughs) (gentle orchestral music) >> My boy, you know, women find me irresistible.

>> Kit, did I ever tell you about the time I fell in love with a midget weighing 39 pounds?

>> Not you, son.

>> Mm-hmm, down in Gallatin, 20 years ago, a man named Rupert Jenkins came to town with six white horses and two black ones.

Said he wanted somebody to break those horses, gift of a girl named Lucinda, who had an iron claw where her right hand oughta be.

Said, you broke up my home!

(Murphy laughing) >> Enough is enough.

(gentle orchestral music) (bold orchestral music)