[MUSIC PLAYING] NARRATOR: The nation's favorite celebrities.

We are special, aren't we?

Oh, that's excellent.

NARRATOR: Paired up with an expert-- We're a very good team, you and me.

NARRATOR: --and a classic car.

Their mission to scour Britain for antiques.

It's a good look for me?

Oh, I love it.

[GAVEL POUNDS] NARRATOR: The aim, to make the biggest profit at auction.

But it's no easy ride.

There's no accounting for taste.

NARRATOR: Who will find hidden gem?

Who will take the biggest risks?

Will anybody follow expert advice?

Do you like them?

No.

NARRATOR: There will be worthy winners and valiant losers.

When do you ever have?

[INTERPOSING VOICES] This the worst one you ever had.

NARRATOR: Time to put your pedal to the metal.

This is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah!

Our celebs du jour are a couple of right comedians.

I'm going to attempt to use that windscreen wipers now.

Please don't be alarmed.

Oh, look at that.

Ha-ha-ha.

Now that is modern technology.

NARRATOR: It's comedian and doctor Phil Hammond, and comedienne and actress Maria McErlane MARIA MCERLANE: This was Marilyn Monroe's hat.

Yeah, you're saying that but it's-- I picked that up on eBay.

No, I have all the credentials for it.

Really?

"Credential" is not the right word.

She wore it for the audition in "Some Like It Hot."

Really?

Oh, of course, no.

I'm just seeing how gullible you are.

You're a fibber.

NARRATOR: Their ears must be burning because not too far away are our experts, auctioneer Philip Serrell and dealer Margie Cooper.

So, who are we going to work with then, kiddo?

Well, it makes sense really, doesn't it?

What does?

Well, boy-girl, girl-boy, and that-- Boy-girl.

--Dr. Phil.

I've got a few problems here.

- Have you?

Yeah, I'd like to-- If he says to you-- I'd like to have a word with about my ailment.

If he says to you go be on that screen and take your clothes off, don't you listen to him, Margie.

He's so rude.

Oh, he doesn't look the sort of chap who'd even.

PHILIP SERRELL: I've trying it for years.

It doesn't work.

NARRATOR: Now, not to be confused with the politician with the same name.

Our Phil Hammond is a bona fide doctor who succeeds in finding the funny in "Funny Bones."

Phil is very intriguing chap.

Really?

Yeah.

Because he's a doctor, and he's a writer and a broadcaster.

But wait for it, he's a comedian.

I'm glad.

He sounds-- And I think he does stand up something.

--far too bright for me.

Ah, he's far too bright for me.

So I'm dying to know how he does all that.

NARRATOR: Yeah, I know.

I'm with you.

I have enough trouble doing up my bow-tie every morning.

I've got Maria, and I know that she's a great mate of Graham Norton-- That's it.

--and Nigella Lawson.

That's right.

So she's gonna cook in a very funny way, I think.

NARRATOR: He's right, you know?

Comedienne and writer Maria is regularly Graham Norton sidekick on his Radio 2 show, has appeared on "The Fast Show," and she was the rather naughty narrator on "Eurotrash."

PHILIP SERRELL: She's really funny lady.

Yeah.

Some of that humor might just rub off on me, and I can develop a sense of humor.

MARGIE COOPER: Your humor is dry, dear.

PHILIP SERRELL: Me?

- Yes.

It's a dry humor.

Humor?

Dry?

Arid is what it is.

Arid.

NARRATOR: Let's hope the weather stays the same way.

Celebrities and experts are ambling through the rolling hills of Cheshire in a 1968 Mini Cooper, and a 1970 VW Beetle.

Each pair will have 400 pounds to spend, just so long as Maria and Dr. Phil are happy to go along with the girl-boy, girl-boy thing.

Hi.

And you definitely want to work with the doctor?

Yeah.

You want to discuss your complaints and ailments?

And don't say, do you need your head examined?

No, no, no.

You had me at Rumsfeld.

Good morning.

How are you?

Oh, my word.

Hi, how are you?

- Good to see you.

- All right.

You feel safe?

You could breathe now.

Oh, blimey!

That is our word, isn't it?

All right, Marjorie.

How are you doing?

Good to see you.

You're drawing the shots still?

NARRATOR: Can't make it happen.

Oh, OK. That's good.

Everyone's happy, just as well because they're on quite a trip.

Our route starts in Frodsham in Cheshire before popping over the border to Wales, then back to England for a whisk around Lancashire before heading South to Twickenham in greater London for the auction showdown.

That's a trip.

But there's no need to hit the road quite yet because the first shop is just a gentle stroll away.

Lady Hayes Craft an Antique Center is a sprawling antiques emporium covering several buildings.

So while Phil and Maria hotfoot it to one part.

Quirky.

Quite like quirky things.

Is it here?

Come on, after you.

PHIL HAMMOND: This is the front of the back entrance?

NARRATOR: Margie and Dr. Phil enter another.

WOMAN: Good morning.

WOMAN: Good morning.

WOMAN: Good morning.

PHIL HAMMOND: All right.

I'm Dr. Phil.

How are you doing?

NARRATOR: And straightaway, Dr. Phil warms to something.

PHIL HAMMOND: That is quite fun, isn't it?

I quite like that.

That would be-- Yeah.

What's it?

An old tea urn, whatever?

[INTERPOSING VOICES] I could use that as a specimen pot, couldn't I?

Fill it from here, sir.

It's insulated so it keeps the tea warm.

So tea would go in there.

Yeah.

I'd rather like that.

My seasoned eye is telling me that's not in mint condition.

Abso-- now, how can you tell that?

NARRATOR: Yes, probably best to move on.

PHIL HAMMOND: Now, oh, hello, I've always fancied one of these.

Oh, not you, madam.

Sorry.

I do.

I was always looking-- I do apologize, though.

Came out so I could have phrased that better, couldn't I?

What've you found?

I've found a walking stick-- now these shooting sticks, I always fancy one of these.

I'm a man of [INAUDIBLE].

I don't shoot.

- Is it leather?

I hate the idea of shooting at it.

Oh, it is leather.

But that is leather.

Shooting stick.

I fancy as I take my Labrador for a walk-- - Yeah.

- --that-- Extends up.

--would be the thing.

NARRATOR: Mind the carpet.

Dr. Phil certainly knows what he likes.

The shooting sticks got a ticket price of 14 pounds.

Yep.

NARRATOR: Time to talk to Carol and Margaret.

We can't afford this.

So, who do I negotiate with?

All right.

I'll have to phone the lady [INAUDIBLE]..

Phone the lady?

What's her name?

Her name is Elaine.

I think it's Elaine.

Would she take-- [INTERPOSING VOICES] We don't know until we speak to origin.

Yeah, but I would like-- we would like to pay because it's hard, this job.

Yes But I'd like to pay about eight pounds for that, eight or nine at the most.

Nine at the most.

Don't you agree?

A lot of scratches.

PHIL HAMMOND: Yeah, it's not in mint.

Yes, exactly.

[INAUDIBLE],, the lady is offering eight pounds for your shooting stick, and you've got 14 on it.

What would be your best price?

And Elaine's saying 10 pounds.

OK, can I have a word with Elaine?

Do you want to talk over that?

OK, I'm just pass you over to Phil Hammond.

Hi Elaine.

How are you?

How's-- how's-- how's your health been recently?

I am-- I am a proper doctor.

How's life generally?

All right?

Good.

You paid eight for it?

Oh.

ELAINE (ON PHONE): Yeah.

OK.

So 10-- 10 would be your best offer for us?

ELAINE (ON PHONE): Yeah.

OK.

I think 10 pounds sounds reaso-- what do you think, Margie?

I would have preferred nine, but-- Actually?

--I don't want to be hard.

Any medical problems you'd like to discuss with me while we're on national television?

No, don't go there.

None at all?

Excellent.

Well, it's been absolutely lovely speaking to you and good luck.

Thank you so much for giving us such a reasonable bargain.

Thank you.

Bye bye.

There we go.

Well, it's good 10 pounds.

10 pounds.

That's all right.

Done.

Done deal.

- Done deal.

Thank you so much.

I should shake somebody's hand.

That went well.

NARRATOR: Cracking, dealing Dr. Phil, he's certainly quick off the mark.

Now then, Maria and the silver fox appear to be bypassing the shops and instead have made a beeline to Patrick's restoration workshop.

Well, that's quite sweet.

I like this.

PHILIP SERRELL: Let me just show you how to ride this.

Yeah, yeah.

What you do is you just twist the top, and there's a peg in there.

Right.

And as you twist it, the peg rises one of these up.

So watch.

MARIA MCERLANE: Aw, I love that.

PHILIP SERRELL: So then you open it.

And this is Edwardian, and it's a games table.

They're called envelope tables because it's fold-- MARIA MCERLANE: Very dusty, isn't it?

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah, yeah.

Well, it looks like-- MARIA MCERLANE: So the Edwardians would play their bridge around this.

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah, but a lot of these were inlaid.

Look, this is mahogany.

A lot of these are rosewood.

And they've got all sorts of marquetry inlay on there, but someone has tried to strip the top of this off.

MARIA MCERLANE: Mr. Patrick, I quite like this, but it needs a bit of work, we feel.

PATRICK: OK. MARIA MCERLANE: So tell me your best price.

PATRICK: Very best price to you, 20 pounds.

MARIA MCERLANE: But look, Patrick, because I'm trying to do my very best, I would like-- NARRATOR: Hey, charm like that will go a long way in this game.

--to ask you to do it for 10 pounds, if I give you a big smile and a kiss on the cheek.

Yes, ma'am.

- And-- - Patrick, you're a star.

Thank you.

PATRICK: You're welcome.

MARIA MCERLANE: Thank you very much, Patrick.

You're welcome.

MARIA MCERLANE: That's very, very kind to you.

Thank you very much.

NARRATOR: For that's what you call hot money and that is a bargain.

Doctor Phil and Margie are in another part of center being kindly attended to by dealer Rose.

Well done, Rose.

PHIL HAMMOND: Show us where your medical bits and bobs are.

Quite interesting that little thing.

That pulls out.

The "Popular Manikin."

Golly, look at that.

Do you like a man with a mustache?

MARGIE COOPER: No, but he looks to be overdressed.

PHIL HAMMOND: Is he rouged up, do you think?

He's an acrobat or something.

Oh, there's somebody behind him.

Oh, no, look at that.

Oh.

PHIL HAMMOND: My word.

MARGIE COOPER: What's that?

PHIL HAMMOND: I'm thinking it's probably his bladder.

So either that or a chocolate orange.

MARGIE COOPER: And it blows up like that?

But my money's on his bladder.

If he's got a chocolate orange there, he's in trouble.

[INTERPOSING VOICES] Are you in any way, shape, or form squeamish?

No.

NARRATOR: Just as well because it's time to battle for a price.

- It appeals to me it's quirky.

- Good.

I think it's the kind of thing that might sell to the right person in Twickenham.

ROSE: Yeah.

PHIL HAMMOND: Probably not for 29 pounds, though.

So I'm wondering-- It was 20.

20?

What do you think?

Yeah.

You're being very kind.

Yeah, because I had a 15 in mind, which is-- you know this program is making me hard.

What about 18?

PHIL HAMMOND: 18?

All right, 18.

18?

You sure?

Yeah.

NARRATOR: Yep, you've done well Dr. Phil.

Mr. Phil and his dastardly accomplice, meanwhile, have hit the road.

They're taking a break from shopping and heading across the border into Wales and the town of Holywell.

MARIA MCERLANE: Oh, nice.

Nice corner indeed.

PHILIP SERRELL: So Dr. Phil, have you met before or not?

Met before?

Do you know we have, yes, because we used to do the circuit together, the stand-up circuit.

And he was in a double act.

PHILIP SERRELL: Now tell me, is he going to be any good at this?

Well, I think he's super competitive even though he's pretending that he's all zen and laid-back.

I think he's got a really, really evil competitive streak.

And evil-- and he's going to really stick it to us.

NARRATOR: You can worry about that later because right now, it's time for some peaceful reflection.

And our pair are heading to the perfect place, Britain's oldest Christian pilgrimage site.

For centuries, Christians have made pilgrimages to places of special spiritual significance across the world.

Sites such as Lourdes in France and Fatima in Portugal attract millions of visitors every year seeking to endorse their faith or hoping to heal their body or soul.

Wales too has such a place.

People have been coming to St. Winefride's Well since the seventh century to bathe in and drink its waters, which are said to have healing properties.

But behind the mystery of this beautiful place is a particularly gruesome tale.

On hand to tell Maria and Phil all about it is the custodian of the world Lolita L'Aiguille, who first came here as a pilgrim 18 years ago.

MARIA MCERLANE: So Lolita, this is the most extraordinary building, and it dates back to the seventh century?

The building is from 1490.

1490.

Yeah, the well is from the seventh century.

NARRATOR: The shrine building was built by Henry VIII's grandmother.

And it houses not only the well but also a statue of St. Winefride, as legend has it the spring of water first erupted here after a dramatic event in young Winefride's life.

As the story goes.

Winefride was a 14-year-old virgin.

And Haradok, the son of a local prince fell in love with her.

But Winefride rejected his advances with terrible consequences.

MARIA MCERLANE: So he-- she rejected him.

And what did he do?

He beheads her.

As he beheads her, her head rolled down to this spot here.

Where head, the blood was, an earthquake took place and the spring came up.

And it's been coming up ever since.

NARRATOR: But according to legend, all was not lost for poor Winefride.

Her uncle, St. Bruno, is said to have arrived at the bloody scene and heroically saved her.

LOLITA L'AIGUILLE: Her head was put back by her uncle, and she was restored from death to life.

That's why she's known to be the Welsh Lazarus.

NARRATOR: The story continues that Winefride survived for another 22 years becoming a living saint.

And the waters that sprung where her head is said to have fallen reputedly took on miraculous healing powers.

LOLITA L'AIGUILLE: Some people think it's just a legend.

But St. Winefride actually lived.

St. Winefride was born in Holywell, lived in Holywell.

And she wanted to become a nun.

And she wanted to save a chastity to become a nun.

And she became an abbess.

MARIA MCERLANE: When we just-- can I just stop you?

Because there will be a lot of people that don't believe.

When you say some people think it's just a legend-- LOLITA L'AIGUILLE: Yes.

--it may well be.

But if you believe it, then to you it's your faith.

Symbolically, whichever way you like to believe, St. Winefride had an experience of-- no other woman would have had.

NARRATOR: It's believed that encased within this vessel is a holy relic of St. Winefride's, a finger bone.

For centuries, pilgrims have traveled from across the world to see it, to bathe in and drink the Holy water, including kings and queens with many people claiming to have been healed by the water.

PHILIP SERRELL: There's a huge pile of crutches in the corner.

What was all that about?

LOLITA L'AIGUILLE: They are crutches left from those who could not walk 100 years ago.

And they would just leave them behind and go off walking.

NARRATOR: And now Maria decides to test the waters.

The tradition is to go down the steps.

Yes.

Cold.

NARRATOR: Since the seventh century, millions of people have made the pilgrimage to the well.

And this place still gets an average of 50,000 visitors a year.

Thank you so much-- You're welcome.

--telling us the story of St. Winefride.

You're welcome.

MARIA MCERLANE: Thank you.

NARRATOR: It's time to leave the piece of the well, and it swallows.

So we can catch up with Dr. Phil and Margie who are motoring through the Cheshire countryside.

MARGIE COOPER: So you're quite intriguing.

You're multitalented, aren't you?

I do lots of jobs, not terribly well would be the polite way of saying, and I'm a jack of all trades and a master of none.

So you started off as a doctor.

Yeah, I qualified as a doctor in 1987.

And I met a wonderful junior doctor called Tony Gardner.

And we started a double act called Struck Off and Die.

Really?

And it was back in the days when junior doctors worked hundreds of hours a week.

So we were quite political.

And we went to the Edinburgh Fringe really as a catharsis more than anything else, just to tell people what it was like being exhausted and stalking the wards working hundreds of hours a week.

And it sold out.

NARRATOR: How lovely?

Our chap and chappette are heading for the historic town of Knutsford and the words of Knutsford Antique center.

The sun is shining on us.

Yes, it is.

What could possibly go wrong?

Have you got the money?

A lot.

You've got the money.

I've got the money.

All right, there we go.

NARRATOR: Now this is an amply stocked shop with goodies belonging to several dealers each with their own areas.

So, what can Margie and Dr. Phil sniff out?

I'm drawn to that.

That looks like a-- Tisn't it?

--a butcher's block or a morticians board.

You could use that to dissect, couldn't you?

So it's a big lump of what?

Oak, is that?

MARGIE COOPER: No, it's sycamore.

PHIL HAMMOND: Is it?

How do you know?

MARGIE COOPER: Says it on the ticket.

PHIL HAMMOND: Says it on the ticket, now.

NARRATOR: Once a common sight in the butcher's shop and used as a cutting surface, these blocks are an increasingly popular accessory in modern kitchens, even when they've been munched.

MARGIE COOPER: When you see woodworm like that, I mean, it's dead and gone.

PHIL HAMMOND: So it's not going to collapse is what you're saying?

MARGIE COOPER: It's when you see the holes with a bit of white in the middle.

So, what do you think we need to buy that for to make a profit?

Why is it not in the sale?

I mean, it's just you've got to be buying that for what?

A couple of hundred.

Right, so we're unlikely to get that bigger reduction, aren't we?

- Yeah, no.

I'd have thought.

Yeah.

NARRATOR: Yeah, it's a meaty price.

So want to ponder?

But Dr. Phil's eager to clean up something here.

PHIL HAMMOND: What are those things in the corner?

They look like-- MARGIE COOPER: Oh, golly.

PHIL HAMMOND: Chimney sweeps brushes.

MARGIE COOPER: Brushes.

They must have some chimneys in Twickenham, surely.

Stanley Holloway.

PHIL HAMMOND: We could sell them to the Dick Van Dyke Memorial Foundation.

55 pounds.

Early 20th century.

But, who's going to buy them?

Who will buy them?

Have you ever seen anything like that in an antique shop before?

- Well, no, but-- - Probably for a reason.

Do I-- do I want to oversee?

[INTERPOSING VOICES] Well, somebody would put that up on their wall, wouldn't they as a sort of objet d'art?

Would they not?

Oh, crumbs!

It looks as if-- Am I going mad?

[INTERPOSING VOICES] --worst one you ever had.

Is it the worst one you ever had?

Am I the worst one you ever-- we're just going round like a lovesick puppy bumping into things.

Are we not-- - Oh, we know.

We're just trying to-- we've seen things we like, but we've got price-- I quite like that chopping board.

Yeah.

I think that will sell that, big lump of sycamore.

Yeah.

But I'm not paying more than 200 pounds.

All right, OK. What do you think?

MARGIE COOPER: That's-- that's sorted.

PHIL HAMMOND: OK. NARRATOR: Time for a chat with shop manager David.

He's a chip off the old block.

But en route, they spot a chim chiminey.

MARGIE COOPER: So Phil, these are these chimney pot plant-- well, they're in planters now, aren't they?

- They are.

They put them in the garden, stick a planter in them.

I like it.

It's a certain majesty.

MARGIE COOPER: Yeah.

Is it authentic?

Is it-- because if you put your hand in, your sooty fingers, sooty fingers.

- It does.

But they're very-- they're very good at-- [INAUDIBLE] If someone was doing a repo, would they go far as doing fakes sooty fingers?

That's OK. Yeah, but-- PHIL HAMMOND: See, that to me seems a reasonable price.

MARGIE COOPER: Personally, I hate them.

And you'd have the brushes coming out of it.

Have you got one at home?

I think it's got a certain appeal.

Well, it's your game.

This is your day, Phil.

NARRATOR: Oh, dear.

I hope this isn't the end of a beautiful friendship.

Well, at least, they agree on the chimney brush.

I'm just going to leave this there as a diversionary tactic.

OK. We quite fancy that.

Right.

But we also quite fancy that big sycamore chopping board, don't we?

PETER: All right.

NARRATOR: With a ticket price of 320 pounds, Margie gets on the blower to the owner, Peter.

Go easy.

My figure in mind was a couple of hundred.

260.

260?

MARGIE COOPER: Yeah, 260.

Right, well, I'll chew it over.

NARRATOR: A bit like the worms have.

So 220's out of the question?

Yeah.

How much?

250.

250?

250.

250, I can do.

All right.

I could do 250.

OK. Well, Phil really wants it.

Right, right, the deal is done.

And thank you very, very much indeed.

OK, Peter, thank you.

Bye bye.

Yes.

There you go.

I'll take it.

250 done.

- Done.

Thank you.

- Thank you.

Now-- - Wow.

PHIL HAMMOND: We've got this rather fabulous brushes, which I'm quite taken with.

But there's also the chimney pot.

NARRATOR: They have a combined price of 150 pounds.

For the pair.

Yeah.

95.

Well, you want it, don't you?

I'm tempted, yes.

I'm just really inquisitive.

I think it will sell into it-- OK, we'll see on the day.

--and I'm prepared to be made a fool of.

Thank you very much.

Excellent.

Thank you.

NARRATOR: Let's hope they are lucky because that's 95 pounds for the brush and a chimney, and a whopping 250 pounds for the butcher's block.

Let's face it, a massive risk.

That Dr. Phil is brave as well as bold.

Yeah, best have a lie-down after that lot.

Nighty-night.

It's a brand new day in Lancashire.

And Dr. Phil and Maria are raring to go.

Well, we're off.

NARRATOR: Well, maybe.

You gave that a bit of poke.

I know but I don't really know.

I'm not used to these little pedals now.

So, what do you make of Phil then?

Oh, now, you expect me to drive and talk sense?

I do.

NARRATOR: Maybe not.

It's like well [INTERPOSING VOICES] It won't make the fun.

Let it.

It'll be fine.

NARRATOR: While Maria and Dr. Phil do battle with mini.

Margie and Mr. Phil are beetling along with celebrities on their minds.

How did you get on with the doc?

Oh, he was lovely.

Very interesting chap.

Yeah, so were you enjoying Maria's company?

PHILIP SERRELL: Oh, she's lovely.

She's lovely.

Sharp.

- Yeah.

Really sharp.

Yeah.

And you know-- and funny.

And she's got-- what I love about she's got that really quick wit.

PHIL HAMMOND: How would you feel if you were stuck on the road forever?

- With you?

Yeah.

I wouldn't mind you.

I think once you start saying "shush" quite a lot, it would get on my nerves.

And I would get on your nerves incredibly quickly.

You do that thing with a finger, don't you?

Only when I'm making a point.

NARRATOR: Later, both teams will be heading down south for an auction in Twickenham.

But at the moment, they're meeting up in Blackburn.

Spend, spend, spend, spend, Viv Nicholson.

Remember her?

I do remember.

[INAUDIBLE] I do.

I'm going to buy like a pool's winner.

MARGIE COOPER: I mean, it was a massive sell out.

Hi.

Good morning.

How are you, love?

You all right?

PHIL HAMMOND: Oh, beautifully done.

Yeah.

PHIL HAMMOND: Can I get out now?

Well, it stopped anyhow.

Morning, Dr. Phil.

Here we are, lovely.

How you doing?

I'm very well.

How are you?

Just slightly the worse for wear, but I think it'll go.

I think I have frightened Dr. Phil.

Good to see you.

NARRATOR: Yesterday, Margie and Dr. Phil spent a bold 375 pounds on five items, a shooting stick, an anatomy manual, a chimney pot with chimney brush, and their risky big purchase, the butcher's block, leaving them a mere 27 pounds to splash out today.

Conversely, discerning Mr Phil and Maria spent a squidly 10 pounds on an Edwardian card table, meaning the pressure's on today to spend big.

Their bulging wallets are stuffed with 390 pounds.

The wealthy pair are heading for Darwen.

PHILIP SERRELL: See, I think today-- Yes, darling.

We've got 390 pounds left, haven't we?

Woo-hoo!

PHILIP SERRELL: But you can only react to what you see.

So I think the best plan is probably no plan.

MARGIE COOPER: So, yes, no plan really at all, other than to get some fabulous things-- But no money.

--but no money and sell them-- PHILIP SERRELL: For lots of money.

NARRATOR: Their destination this morning is one of Phil's favorite shops, a Yard in Barn, filled with reclaimed oddities and eclectic vintage.

This could be right up Maria's street too.

Should we do outside first?

Yes, good plan.

But isn't that fabulous the way it's-- I mean, I just love weathered things.

Yeah, we should get on well, then.

NARRATOR: Owner Stephen is on hand to assist.

MARIA MCERLANE: So I know we're doing outside but very quickly-- NARRATOR: But Maria's fast to pounce today.

She's found a 1950s kitchen cabinet.

How much is that?

80.

Is it actually enamel?

STEPHEN: That front sections is not.

That sometimes is enamel.

In this case, it's not.

It's like a Formica.

I think it's a slightly older ones where there enamel.

MARIA MCERLANE: You see.

STEPHEN: You've got-- that's your bread board.

MARIA MCERLANE: Bread board.

A little tray in there.

You love this, don't you?

I really love it.

I'm not sure I love it for Twickenham.

If we were doing an auction down by the seaside, it would be perfect.

Beach huts-- think beach hut, think second home, think little sheds for your children, overindulge children.

Think Twickenham.

I am doing.

Goodbye.

NARRATOR: Yikes.

She's headstrong.

Can Phil keep up.

So the cabinets want to ponder.

What other treasures can our pair unearth?

PHILIP SERRELL: Stephen.

STEPHEN: Yes.

PHILIP SERRELL: These ropey old chairs that nobody wants.

STEPHEN: Danish find.

What?

Sorry, what?

A Danish armchair.

PHILIP SERRELL: Now, these ropey old chairs that nobody wants.

You've got four of them.

There are six, I think.

PHILIP SERRELL: You've got six.

[INTERPOSING VOICES] [INAUDIBLE] know, the 150.

If they are Danish, they're worth a lot more than that, aren't they?

PHILIP SERRELL: So, would you split them?

STEPHEN: Yes.

So, would you-- how much would two be?

Well, the 25 pounds each, so 225 is 60, isn't it?

Yeah, 225 is 50.

No, it's not.

It's 30.

[INTERPOSING VOICES] No, I do-- I'll do it 50, 50.

You can split them either way.

See, I think a pair of these would be better than four.

Because I think a pair you could-- they'd be quite trendy.

I'm thinking London flat.

I know.

Yeah.

PHILIP SERRELL: Right.

Well, let's just have a think up.

Yeah.

NARRATOR: Maria's is not so sure.

Thank you very much.

NARRATOR: But Phil's decided to start a list.

Oh, Lordy.

These two could be some time here.

I think we should leave them to it for a while and catch up with our other dynamic duo.

Margie and Dr. Phil are making their way through Lancashire to Clitheroe, where they've come to investigate the origins of the greatest fictional detective of all time, Sherlock Holmes.

Hero of four novels, 56 short stories, and countless films and TV series, this most loved character was created by Arthur Conan Doyle, who, like our Dr. Phil, was both a doctor and a writer.

And it appears that some of his earliest ideas came from here, his eminent public school, Stonyhurst College.

The school still holds many items that hold clues to his influences.

And on hand to guide Margie and Dr. Phil through them is curator of collections Jan Graffius.

Wow!

It's an impressive hall.

NARRATOR: Arthur Conan Doyle was sent away to school here in 1868 at the age of nine.

He was to meet fellow pupils who were to inspire him later on.

PHIL HAMMOND: And you have a row of original desks.

This-- this has been kept-- this as dates from the time of Arthur Conan Doyle.

PHIL HAMMOND: Watson jumps out at you.

And was Watson an actual contemporary of Conan Doyle?

Watson came five years later.

So Arthur would have known him at the bottom of the school when-- when he was at the top.

So Arthur Conan Doyle is here on here as well?

I can't see him.

It's not the most enthralling of signatures.

There it is.

A Doyle.

PHIL HAMMOND: You can't read it.

You can tell he was going to be a doctor.

MARGIE COOPER: Dr. Phil is right.

That's definitely him, is it?

That's definitely him.

Yeah.

That actually says morphine.

15 milligrams, twice weekly.

JAN GRAFFIUS: This is the entry log for the little prep school.

So when Arthur came, he was age nine.

And he went first to the prep school.

Did he board?

Yes, everybody boarded.

So away from his family from the age of nine?

Mm-hmm.

And as the boys came in, they signed their name.

And you can see here, Arthur Conan Doyle.

PHIL HAMMOND: His handwriting was better then, wasn't it?

Well, this is the only time he signed himself Conan.

For the rest of his time at the college, he was known as Arthur Doyle.

PHIL HAMMOND: And we can immediately see an influence perhaps, Patrick Sherlock.

JAN GRAFFIUS: Well, Patrick Sherlock was in his class.

Fiendishly clever.

JAN GRAFFIUS: He was fiendishly good at calligraphy.

He wasn't very clever, actually.

PHIL HAMMOND: Maybe there's a bit of an ironic joke going on.

JAN GRAFFIUS: Quite possibly.

Well, they must have made an impression on him.

Yeah, well, they were friends or something.

[INAUDIBLE] one way or another.

So this September 1870, these are all the boys coming new to the school.

And if you look here-- MARGIE COOPER: Moriarty.

A pair of Moriartys.

Pair of Moriarty.

PHIL HAMMOND: Dare we ask which of these Moriartys is the Moriarty in the Sherlock Holmes Tales is based on.

I think he conflated the two because Michael was a fiendishly clever mathematician.

And John Moriarty was altogether a trickier character.

He went on to become a lawyer and Attorney General for Ireland and was described by some of the legal profession at the time as being serpentine.

MARGIE COOPER: Is that him?

JAN GRAFFIUS: That's him there.

PHIL HAMMOND: Golly, yes, no, he does look serpentine.

You wouldn't want to cross him back in a dark alley.

JAN GRAFFIUS: No, indeed, you don't.

And so I suspect that Conan Doyle took elements from both their characters.

And then, this is Arthur here.

This is a photograph from his last year at school.

So here you see him in the middle standing in front of the windows.

So those are the youngest in the class.

MARGIE COOPER: He is quite a big boy, isn't he?

JAN GRAFFIUS: He was tall and very athletic.

He loved football.

And he was a very keen cricketer.

NARRATOR: It wasn't only his fellow schoolmates that impacted Arthur's riding.

The building too provided inspiration for one of his most famous novels "The Hound of the Baskervilles."

JAN GRAFFIUS: This building here, just behind here would have been Arthur's bedroom when he came.

And down here were the dog kennels and dogs.

They had many, many dogs.

PHIL HAMMOND: So we're stretching it to say the hound of the Baskervilles could have been heard from the window?

- So then how?

- No, no, no, no.

He would have-- he would definitely have heard them.

MARGIE COOPER: All that was building in his mind.

JAN GRAFFIUS: All right.

So-- So show us where would the young Arthur Conan Doyle have looked out from?

Behind that gable was the bedroom, the bedroom block.

And if you look across to the mill buildings here, the dog kennels were just behind there.

PHIL HAMMOND: Ah!

So he could easily have heard the hounds doing their thing.

On a quiet night, he would have heard them, yes, complaining.

What a profound effect that would have on a vivid young imagination.

And lying in bed.

NARRATOR: After finishing at school, Arthur trained to be a doctor.

But just a few years later found fame and celebrity as a full-time writer.

Even now, he's one of the world's best selling authors who still sells books in the millions.

His most popular to this day being "The Hound of the Baskervilles."

It's clear to see how Stonyhurst might have become Baskervilles hall with its avenue of yew trees transformed in the novel into the dark walk.

[DOG HOWLING] And, what's that I hear?

Yeah, best to hotfoot it out of there.

Now, we last saw Maria and Phil larking about in Oaks Antiques.

Let's find out how they're getting on.

You know what?

I'll bet you that Margie has had a lovely time, that Dr. Phil.

They've been walking around nice shops, nice antique centers, having a really lovely time.

And I've got her.

Seaman Mickalene ready for duty, sir.

PHILIP SERRELL: Have you seen the Navy lot?

Is it a good look for me?

PHILIP SERRELL: It's a very cool look.

Stephen, how much is that theater light?

200.

Oh, behave.

Put a new bulb in.

That costs 26 pounds.

But it's not been PAT tested, has it?

There is a PAT testing label on it.

When does it run out?

MARIA MCERLANE: Does it actually plug in?

- Well, the-- - I can't show you-- NARRATOR: Portable Appliance Testing or PAT is a safety check required for appliances like this theater light.

It run out of date in 1999.

Well, it was the last time I used it.

Yeah So it's decorative.

Well, I know-- what would happen-- no, no.

Seriously, what would happen with this is that if it went into the sale room, the auctioneer is rather-- they'd rather cut it up.

They'd probably cut the flex off there because I wouldn't have thought there's a prayer of this passing of current PAT test.

But, can it be rewired?

So then why someone would rewire it?

But-- I see.

--in my eyes, this has got to come at like half his 200 pounds because that's just so far out of date is not true.

The problem is with modern people is they don't like to do anything.

They want it all done for them.

I know but if that was polished-- MARIA MCERLANE: I know it would be lovely.

NARRATOR: They like it, but still no deal.

What's next?

PHILIP SERRELL: I don't know what the hell that is.

Stephen, what's this thing here?

Oh, easy on, easy on, easy on.

What's that?

STEPHEN: It's a set setter.

Oh, of course.

What the hell is a set setter?

A cobble setter.

Well, the metal bits should stay on.

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah, so it's faulty for a start.

So it's heavy.

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah.

So you know when they were laying the roads in Victorian era, and they used cobbles.

Well, they did in the north.

PHILIP SERRELL: [INAUDIBLE] Well, they beat the cobble down.

I think that might be our sort of local piece.

PHILIP SERRELL: So, what's it called?

MARIA MCERLANE: A set setter.

STEPHEN: Well, I call it a set setter or a cobble setter.

PHILIP SERRELL: The cobble setter.

MARIA MCERLANE: That couldn't be more northern.

STEPHEN: Do you know?

[INTERPOSING VOICES] STEPHEN: South.

MARIA MCERLANE: No.

We have Tom Macadam roadways.

And, How.

Much is that-- Our roads are paved with gold, you know?

How much is that?

45.

My heart.

I think you're deluded, Stephen.

That's-- that's good.

I mean, that's, you know, pointless.

STEPHEN: It's the only one I've ever seen.

But it's a lovely objet d'art.

STEPHEN: Yes, it is.

I quite want that for myself.

PHILIP SERRELL: Anything else on here that you want to have a look at?

MARIA MCERLANE: So much.

So much.

Sorry.

You see that again-- it makes me slightly well up because look.

I'll do if you order them and pay for.

PHILIP SERRELL: How old are those?

STEPHEN: I would say those are probably from the '20s, '30s.

MARIA MCERLANE: And you put steel on the toe cap so that they would last longer.

I mean, this was a woman's presumably, is it?

Do they?

It's probably a woman's size.

PHILIP SERRELL: How much are your clothes?

STEPHEN: 15 pounds.

MARIA MCERLANE: Oh, [INAUDIBLE].

NARRATOR: Suits you.

Two more for the list and now.

Phil, look what I found.

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah, great.

Fantastic.

Are you being sarcastic?

PHILIP SERRELL: No, no, not at all, no, no.

You just carry on.

Not essentially my cup of char.

But I think that might work with those chairs.

NARRATOR: That'll be the Danish chairs they saw earlier.

PHILIP SERRELL: How much?

45.

PHILIP SERRELL: It grieves me to say it, but I think you might actually be right.

MARIA MCERLANE: That might go with those chairs?

Oh, shut up.

We asked each other questions about our lives, and now it's got to "shut up."

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah, see, we could be an old married couple.

Just shut up.

It is after 24 hours.

PHILIP SERRELL: How much is it?

STEPHEN: 45.

NARRATOR: It's a classic retro coffee table, g plan, 1970s, teak with ceramic tiles.

What's not to love?

PHILIP SERRELL: I quite like that actually.

Right, time's rushing on.

MARIA MCERLANE: Yes.

PHILIP SERRELL: What we need to do is-- let's just have a quick skirt up here.

I'd like some art now.

NARRATOR: Yes, make some decisions, people.

Uh-oh, oop, here we go again.

PHILIP SERRELL: You like those as well?

MARIA MCERLANE: These are-- don't you love that movement?

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah, tambour fronted.

And the thing about it is you see that that's a file drawer.

That's actually-- it should be sitting down, shouldn't it on a desk that?

STEPHEN: Yes.

So it's wrong way up.

PHILIP SERRELL: So it's the wrong way up.

It should be like that.

So it sits on your desk like that, and you've got files in there.

What bonkers about this is that when I started in this business, that was like, why would you want that?

That's not an antique.

But now, that's a real good vintage-y lot.

And I could see that at auction making 30 to 50 quid.

Do you wanna ask how much it is?

I think he might have gone off me.

Yeah, I think I know just how he feels.

I think I'm going to need a bigger bit of paper as well.

NARRATOR: It's either panic buying, or these two are highly astute.

Whatever it is, Phil has one condition for Maria.

Do not look or touch anything else in this place, all right?

Nothing.

Not anything at all, nothing.

All right?

Nothing at all.

Have we got that?

Nothing.

Nothing.

All right?

NARRATOR: So the final shopping list is, the kitchen cabinet, the Danish chairs, the theater light, the cobble setter, and the clogs, the g plan coffee table, and the filing cabinet with a whopping combined asking price of 460 pounds.

Time to work out a deal with Stephen.

Looks like this one's being left to Maria to work her charm.

There's one.

Let's just see where we're going here.

10, 20, 30-- NARRATOR: Good technique, Maria.

Counting out tenners.

--70, 80, 92.

Feels good, right?

10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 93.

NARRATOR: OK, 300 pounds.

And Phil's back.

STEPHEN: 325.

I've given it to him for 300.

But it's up to you whether or not we-- It's totally up to you.

I'm probably losing money at 300.

What about 320?

Go on.

Thank you.

Thank you.

We haven't ripped you off.

We've just had a lovely healthy bit of bartering.

That's it.

But the grandchildren won't eat for a couple of weeks, but that's-- don't worry about it.

Can I just say?

You've been a star, mate.

- Thank you very much.

It was nice having you.

Thank you and you've helped us.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

NARRATOR: Well, with 320 pounds, Maria's managed to get almost a third off the asking price.

She's definitely getting the hang of this.

Shame this pair's all shopped out.

Now zipping through the Lancashire countryside, Dr. Phil and Margie making their way to Whalley.

MARGIE COOPER: He's a bit of a worry is old Phil.

He's a wily old fox.

He's a wily old fox.

I think he'll buy, and I think Maria will make him buy.

Yeah, they're both-- they're both up for it.

She tried to pretend she wasn't at all competitive, but I could tell by the steely glint in her eye.

She likes vintage, so I wouldn't be surprised if we see a little bit of vintage popping out there.

I think Phil's going to go for vintage.

I think Phil will go for unusual.

He always does.

But you can't worry too much.

NARRATOR: You might be on to something there.

These two have one last shop to visit and a whole 27 pounds to spend.

So I wonder what dealer Philip might have in store.

PHIL HAMMOND: Now, we have some slightly challenging news.

In your very beautiful shop.

I've made a few inopportune purchases.

So out of our 400 pound budget, I only have 27 pounds left.

All right.

Good luck with that.

I accept to be a slight disappointment to you, but you're hiding it extremely well.

Not disappointed.

So I'm throwing down the gauntlet to you, Philip.

What do you think you can give us that will sell to the people of Twickenham for a best price of 27 pounds?

NARRATOR: Yeah, well, nothing in the main shop, but Philip does have a lock up just around the corner filled with smaller items.

MARGIE COOPER: All right.

Here, I'll tell you what?

You're very neat and tidy.

PHIL HAMMOND: Aladdin's cave.

Well, what takes my eye?

Those.

PHIL HAMMOND: Oh, dominoes, yeah.

Is that a complete set?

Well, I assume they are because-- How do you know how many there are?

Oh, you covering your bases there.

So what-- because the box is full.

Do we know how many?

Exactly, because the box is full.

PHIL HAMMOND: It level's off.

- Yeah.

- It's quite popular.

It's quite popular chicken in these days, isn't it?

They'll Petanque and dominoes with a-- I've seen dominoes fail.

--with a small glass of absinthe.

I can see that.

PHILIP: That'll be bone and ebony.

MARGIE COOPER: Here they are.

So you can't see the price ticket.

There isn't the price there.

They are 15 pounds.

10 pounds?

Oh, no.

15 pounds.

Are they?

15 is your absolutely best price?

Yeah, they're good value.

I can't even tickle you down by a pound or so.

Afraid not.

I think 15 is his best price.

I'm keen.

- Yep.

Go ahead.

- We're gonna shake on that?

You can shake.

May I have your permission?

You definitely do.

Shared responsibility for the purchase?

Shared responsibilty.

Shared responsibility for the purchase.

Thank you, Philip.

We'll have those for 15 pounds.

PHILIP: Dr. Phil.

NARRATOR: Phew!

Deal done on the dominoes.

So the shopping is complete.

But, what will our pairings make of each other's purchases?

- Shall we show your eyes first?

- Come on.

Yes, go on than.

Show us what we got.

[INTERPOSING VOICES] - Here's the first one.

We've ain't seen nothing yet.

Here's that-- hold on.

We haven't finished yet.

With a teak.

So the one thing we were told was, don't buy any brown wood.

MARIA MCERLANE: I know.

PHIL HAMMOND: My word.

MARIA MCERLANE: Card table 1920s.

PHIL HAMMOND: I'm Immediately drawn to and-- MARIA MCERLANE: I'm just going to show you.

Yes, it's envelope.

It's mahogony.

Not terribly fashionable, but I assume it's cheap.

How much for the opening and closing?

MARIA MCERLANE: 10 pounds.

PHIL HAMMOND: 10 pounds for that?

And this is where madam went [INAUDIBLE].. Can I have a look at this?

MARIA MCERLANE: Yeah.

PHILIP SERRELL: Down here.

PHIL HAMMOND: This has got [INTERPOSING VOICES] MARIA MCERLANE: I wanted to go-- I wanted to show where we'd been.

So-- PHIL HAMMOND: Is this something northern?

Do I have to guess what it is?

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah.

MARGIE COOPER: Pick it up.

PHILIP SERRELL: Now, you've broken it.

NARRATOR: Have I?

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah.

PHIL HAMMOND: It's a cobble setter.

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah, you set your cobbles with it.

MARGIE COOPER: Oh, that's brilliant.

Well, and you bought these boots to go with it?

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah, absolutely.

Do you think this will go well in Twickenham?

I want together-- Have you not heard of the cobbled streets of Twickenham?

The cobbled streets of Twickenham?

Together they would make a nice objet d'art.

PHIL HAMMOND: Well, we can hardly laugh because we've fallen into a similar trap, I fear.

How much?

40 quid the two.

40 pounds for the two.

PHIL HAMMOND: What, including the boots?

PHILIP SERRELL: Yeah.

MARIA MCERLANE: Yeah.

PHILIP SERRELL: Well, this is a strand theater light.

MARGIE COOPER: Right.

That's very London.

Now that is London.

PHILIP SERRELL: It's expensive.

It's 135 pounds.

PHIL HAMMOND: Show us what you got, Margie.

I can't remember.

Oh, my word.

Look at those.

I love that block.

Yeah, the block is rather wonderful, but incredibly-- MARIA MCERLANE: Pricey?

PHILIP SERRELL: How much was that?

250.

Yeah.

Really?

Huge amounts of money.

PHIL HAMMOND: It is bigger.

PHILIP SERRELL: Are they going to remake Mary Poppins, do you think?

PHIL HAMMOND: We were thinking so.

The Dick Van Dyke, I thought those two would go together.

PHILIP SERRELL: [INAUDIBLE] Dick Van Dyke.

Have a little look in the box.

Guess, what do you think is in there?

MARIA MCERLANE: I don't know if I want to open the box.

"Donimoes."

Very good, very good.

But actually bone one "donimoes."

MARIA MCERLANE: And it was-- PHIL HAMMOND: 15?

And, how much was your Dick Van Dyke?

Together with 95 for the two.

Well done, everybody.

Now, it's done.

NARRATOR: Well done, indeed.

So let's hear what they've really thought.

I thought that that card table for a tenner, it was an extraordinary purchase.

MARGIE COOPER: Yeah, but don't get too excited about that.

You know, you sold him that for a tenner because it's so unfashionable at the moment.

Do you know I think it's interesting, I think, we've each got a potential Achilles heel?

Yes.

And ours is our light, which is cost 135 quid.

And theirs is their block, which has cost 250.

Twice that, twice out.

I'd rather have our Achilles heel than theirs.

I think they've done very well, but I don't know-- shall we-- - You should see it's my first-- I've never been to an auction.

So I don't dare presume.

But I am quietly confident.

I'm quietly confident.

Well, all will be revealed.

So on balance-- oh, Lord, I think we'll make a profit.

Fingers crossed, high five.

NARRATOR: After starting out in Frodsham, Cheshire, our celebrities and experts are ending their trip at the auction in Twickenham, London.

And Maria has bought a furry friend.

PHIL HAMMOND: So, this puppy a lucky omen, do you think?

A lucky puppy?

A lucky puppy.

I don't know.

He finds it entirely-- and he's entirely uninterested.

Well, he'd be bidding.

MARGIE COOPER: Dr. Phil-- I call him Dr. Phil because he's a doc.

Yeah, [INAUDIBLE].

He's never been to an auction, so, you know, it's all going to be a revelation.

And I don't know whether Maria-- probably Maria have-- Well, you should have seen her in the shop we went to.

Gordon Bennett, talking about a kid in the sweet shop.

Well, that's what I mean.

[INTERPOSING VOICES] I hate the enthusiasm, worries me because we're a couple of old-- Yeah, we'll still knock it out of him.

[LAUGHTER] Here we go.

So I see-- - Is that it?

- Yes.

Well, that looks posh.

It looks like a puppy-- There could be the money here.

NARRATOR: I like your optimism.

Oh, pooch.

Looking well and full of verve and bigger optimism, which is excellent.

I always wondered if you under slept all weekend.

They could be relationships, couldn't they?

MARGIE COOPER: All right.

Are you ready for the fray?

I'm ready for the fray.

NARRATOR: The action's all about to take place in High Road Auctions.

But first, what does auctioneer David Holmes think of our celebrities and experts choices?

DAVID HOLMES: I think my favorite lot would be the studio lamp.

I think it could do well.

The least favorite would probably be the Edwardian card table.

A few years ago, it may have made 200 to 300.

It's such a shame, but we'll struggle with that one.

NARRATOR: Dr. Phil and Margie bought five auction lots for the grand total of 388 pounds.

While Mr. Phil and Maria splashed out on six lots for a slightly less 330 pounds.

PHIL HAMMOND: My word.

Hear me out.

Can I go onto your lap, Margie?

Or do I have to sit next to you?

I feel it might be one of those.

You have to sit next to me.

You might have to comfort me in my time of distress.

- We here?

- Oh, hello.

Here you are.

How are you?

NARRATOR: They're like the famous five, aren't they?

Right.

Eyes to the front.

The auction's starting.

First up, Maria and Phil's Edwardian card table.

You know, I don't know how many times I've done this now, and it still gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Does it?

NARRATOR: Oh, puppy's gone.

Yes, better to sleep through this.

Got a bit then.

30 pounds, put it in.

Must be 30 pounds only.

Is that a, I want to bid?

30 pounds is bid online.

I'll take 5 again.

That's 30 pounds.

Only 35.

40, internet buyer.

35 pound, the bidder's in the room.

I'll take 40, internet buyer.

Thank you.

45, online.

50 pounds, sir.

Go on.

50 pounds for it.

I know you want to.

45 pounds with the internet buyer.

50, new buyer.

10 pounds you paid them, huh?

Taken.

Bid me 60 pounds, madam.

60 bid.

5, again internet buyer.

60 pounds, the lady's bid right, set down in the front.

I'll take five internet buyer.

That's 65.

70?

Is cheap, isn't it?

70 pounds.

madam, thank you.

5 again, 70 pound the lady's bid, NARRATOR: Oh, doing well.

So 5 again.

I'll chuck in a box of cards, internet buyer.

70 pound, the bid is the lady's bid.

I'll take 5 once more.

80 pounds?

I think she's sure.

75 pound.

The bid is online.

Last chance, guys.

Done at 70.

80.

Was that a bid, madam?

NARRATOR: Hold on.

Right at the death there.

80 pounds, the lady's bid.

Take 5 again, internet buyer.

90 pounds, madam.

You're bidding me 90 for the card table?

85, the bid is online.

Last chance in the room.

Done at 85.

[GAVEL POUNDS] DAVID HOLMES: Internet buyer.

MARGIE COOPER: Well done.

Congratulations.

NARRATOR: That is an excellent start for Maria and Phil.

[LAUGHTER] I'm going to go now.

Really nice meeting you, Phil.

It's been a slice of the good times, Maria.

I'll just be going out the fire exit now.

NARRATOR: She looks pleased, doesn't she?

It's Dr. Phil and Margie's shooting stick next.

DAVID HOLMES: Bid me 20 pounds for this.

20 pounds, a bargain.

Who's gonna bid 20 pounds, only online?

5 again, 25 in the room.

30, internet buyer.

25 pounds.

It's a bargain, internet buyer.

Take 30, the lot.

35, sir.

Be sure.

30 pounds with the internet.

Take 5 again.

Must be 35 pounds, I want in the room.

30, I have with the internet.

35 at the back.

Thank you, madam.

Take 40, internet buyer.

35 pounds, it's at the back of the room.

40, online.

5, again madam.

MARIA MCERLANE: Who's this man, online?

Buying rubbish?

It's my Uncle Ron.

DAVID HOLMES: 40 pounds.

Bid is online.

You're all out.

In the room, it's your last chance.

Done at 40.

[GAVEL POUNDS] Yay!

Well, it's not embarrassing.

It's not embarrassing.

I won't be leaving yet.

Keep the fire exit open, just in case.

NARRATOR: Straight out at the starting block with a profit.

So let's see what the people of Twickenham think of Maria and Phil's filing cabinet.

30 pounds for that.

Sir, at the back of the room there.

You want have a look at it?

Bid me 20 pounds only.

Unusual lot, 20 pounds in the room.

30, online.

5, again.

40, internet buyer.

35 pound.

The bid is in the room.

I'll take 40, internet buyer.

I've got the gentleman here at 35 pounds.

Only, I'll take 40 on it.

No money, internet.

40, new buyer.

5 again, sir.

The lady's been right in front of me.

We have a bit of 40-year-old internet.

The lady in the front row.

It's your last chance, internet.

Final time, done at 40 pounds only.

[GAVEL POUNDS] MARGIE COOPER: Doubled your money.

Well done.

- Well done.

doubled your money.

You are looking like a couple of professionals.

NARRATOR: Well, not quite double after commission but a jolly good profit.

Now, Dr. Phil loved this one.

DAVID HOLMES: We have a little bit of interest.

So if we can start this at 30 pounds for it.

Thank you.

DAVID HOLMES: 30 pounds.

Put it in quickly.

30 pounds only.

What are we going to be?

Thank you, sir.

30 pounds in the room.

I'll take 5, internet buyer.

At 30 pounds only, I have a maiden bid.

I'll take 5, internet.

We're done with it.

Final time, your bid, sir.

I've got you there at 30.

[GAVEL POUNDS] Oh!

Well, it's still-- almost double its money, but it's still not-- I was expecting more for this.

I won't.

NARRATOR: Don't be disappointed.

It's a profit, chaps.

The last retro piece did well.

So, what about Maria and Phil's chairs and table?

Bid me 50 pounds for the lot.

Where's the trendsetters?

50 pounds for the lot.

The two chairs, 50 pounds is bid.

60 in the row.

[INAUDIBLE] here.

DAVID HOLMES: 70?

70.

80?

90.

100?

90 pound, the lady's been in the front row.

100 bid.

110?

120?

120, thank you.

120, the gentleman's bid, madam.

130?

130 bid.

140, sir?

At 130 pound, the lady's bid right in front.

I'll take 40 the lot.

130 pounds.

Lady's bid right in front, and we're done it 130.

[GAVEL POUNDS] NARRATOR: Another stonking profit for Maria and the silver fox.

We've got the chimney pot and brushes together.

Are we saying chimney?

What could possibly go wrong?

What could possibly go wrong?

NARRATOR: Hopefully, it won't all go up in smoke.

Yup, it's Dr. Phil's pot and brush next.

What's it worth?

20 pounds.

Get it started.

Who's going to be on this lot?

20 pounds.

Thank you, sir.

5 again.

20 pound.

The maiden bid, 25.

30?

30 pounds.

35.

40 pounds?

Take 38, sir.

38 pounds.

Take 40 at the back there.

That's 38 pounds only.

The lovely chimney pot and the brushes at 38 pounds.

I'll take 40 the lot.

Is 40 there?

He's trying very hard to [INAUDIBLE].. DAVID HOLMES: A lady's bid-- I, too, admire his effort.

--look absolutely stunning.

I've got the lady's bid there at 40 pounds only.

Done at 40.

[GAVEL POUNDS] Aargh!

Gosh, huge loss.

That's a big, big loss.

It is.

NARRATOR: Oops, the first loss of the day.

Margie was right about that chimney pot.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

If you do that smart thing with me, I can spot smug a mile from here, OK?

Genuine concern, for my mental health is fine.

This is not going our way, is it?

NARRATOR: It's the one Maria loved, her retro kitchen cabinet.

What are we going to sell?

30 pounds only?

Now, I've got to have it.

20 pounds for it?

Nobody wants it?

25, 35, 45, 55, 65, 75.

75 pounds, the lady's bid.

I'll take 5 the lot.

The lovely cabinet made by Eastham, wasn't it?

Your bid, madam?

At 70 pounds only.

Any further bids?

I had the lady's bidder.

We'd done at 70.

[GAVEL POUNDS] DAVID HOLMES: Yes, madam.

Bidder number 242.

- So that's made another 15.

So that's all right.

15 quid.

NARRATOR: Another profit for Maria.

So let's see if Dr. Phil and Maggie's dominoes can level them up.

And we can start them straight in at 20 pounds with me.

Very nice.

NARRATOR: Uh-oh, puppy's back.

DAVID HOLMES: 20 pounds only.

Take 5, online bidder.

25, 30.

5 again, online bidder.

30 pounds, the bid is with me.

I'll take 5 online.

Time out.

I need 40 pounds in the room.

The bid is online.

Last chance.

Selling done at 35.

Are you bidding, sir?

It's your last chance.

[GAVEL POUNDS] 35, internet.

It was some money.

It's good for us.

That's enough?

It's not enough.

It's not about the winning Margie.

It's the taking part, taking part.

Whoever told you that?

It's not an antique sale.

It was a bankrupt antiques dealer.

NARRATOR: Nice bedside manner, Dr. Phil.

But at least, the dominoes stacked up a small profit.

Do you think you're in a lucky chair?

Because I can swap chairs with you, in case you got a lucky chair.

There must be something.

NARRATOR: Maria and Phil are ahead, but it's their risky purchase now.

Will, then, northern buy attract the southerners?

20 pounds only.

Some very sad faces in front.

Bid me a 10-pound note.

Come along.

I'll take them home myself.

DAVID HOLMES: The lady will take them home.

I liked it.

MARGIE COOPER: You're not allowed to take them home.

10, online?

That's all we've got.

I'll take 15 in the room.

I try to sound excited, but I've only got 10 pounds.

I'll take 15 in the room.

It's a lovely lot.

It's 10 pounds only.

I don't think they get it down here, do they?

No.

DAVID HOLMES: Too far South?

Do you think?

15 pounds will take on it.

I've got a maiden bid, 15 bid.

Take 20, internet buyer.

It's an interesting lot, internet, 20 online.

5 again.

20 pounds with the internet.

And we've done at 20.

[GAVEL POUNDS] Internet buyer.

NARRATOR: Oh, dear.

He's right.

They just didn't get it.

The two biggies are coming up, aren't they?

I know.

NARRATOR: Yep.

The first biggie is the biggest biggie, Dr. Phil and Margie's butcher's block.

Try saying that fast.

Let's get it going, guys.

Bid me 100 pounds for the lot.

- Oh, no.

DAVID HOLMES: Lovely French provincial block.

Who's got 50?

Come along, must be 50 pounds for this?

50 pounds only.

Nobody like it.

30 pounds.

You've got to start it at some point.

Was that a bid, sir?

No bids at 30.

Online.

40 in the room.

40 pounds.

35, online.

That's terrible.

DAVID HOLMES: 50 pounds, internet buyer.

I'm very disappointed with this.

I'll take 5 again.

At 50 pound, the bid is online.

I'll take 5 again.

At 50 pounds only.

Any good for a fiver, guys?

55 in the doorway.

60, internet buyer.

At 55 pounds, it's still too cheap.

Any further bids?

I've got to sell it.

60 bid.

5 again, sir.

70, internet buyer.

This is like pulling teeth.

It's still too cheap.

It's in the door at 65 pounds.

I'll take 17, internet buyer.

75, sir.

Are you sure?

At 70 pounds with the internet.

I'll take 5 again.

I think we're giving this one away at 70 pounds only.

I'll take 5 again.

Any further bids, the bid is online, or we've done at 70.

180 pound loss.

[GAVEL POUNDS] NARRATOR: Ouch!

I apologize.

I shan't be coming to Twickenham again in a hurry.

It's all I can say.

Well, that us absolutely horrendous.

NARRATOR: Yeah, it is.

Oh, dearie me.

Margie and Dr. Phil are considerably behind now.

It's going to take me days to get over this, days.

I can give you a sick note for two years off with work-related stress, Margie.

How about that?

It's the best I can do.

It's all I can offer you.

NARRATOR: It's the last lot next.

Maria and Phil's light and stand.

It works.

It works.

It's all up and running.

It's a super lot.

Start me 100 pounds for it.

50 pounds for it is too cheap.

Reproduction ones make 100.

Bid me 50 pounds, online.

60, 70.

Come on, internet, let's go 70.

60 in the room.

I'll take 70 online.

At 60 pounds only.

70, 80, 90, 100, 110, 120, 130, 140, 150.

It's worth every penny, madam.

140 pounds, a bid at the back.

150, 160.

It's very cheap.

Are you bidding?

150, the bid right in front.

160 bid.

170?

170.

180?

Stop smiling.

Just stop doing it, OK?

Stop it.

DAVID HOLMES: Another chance internet buyer.

You're all out.

Are we done?

I'm going to sell at 170.

[GAVEL POUNDS] NARRATOR: Well, the auctioneer played a blinder there.

And Maria and Phil have done extremely well.

We've got to go and work these out properly, don't we?

I'm gonna go work them out properly.

Wow, are you ready?

OK. NARRATOR: Well, that was fun.

Dr. Phil and Margie began with 400 pounds.

But after paying auction costs, made a loss of 211 pounds and 70 p, which leaves them with 188 pounds 30 pence.

Maria and Phil also started with 400 pounds.

And after paying auction costs, they made a glorious profit of 92 pounds and 30 p, meaning they win this road trip with 492 pounds in the 30 pence.

All profits go to children in need.

Well done, pooch.

In 20 years, nobody will remember this apart from my wife and children, unfortunately.

- Off you go.

- Off we go.

MARGIE COOPER: Yeah.

PHIL HAMMOND: Shall I drive because you're the winner?

Off you go.

Can I drive you and your victorious dog?

Doc, I shake your hand all right [INAUDIBLE].. [INTERPOSING VOICES] It's been a slice of the good times, mate.

Take care of yourself.

Bye, doggie.

I love you.

Yeah.

PHIL HAMMOND: Bye, everyone.

See you again.

Drive safely.

NARRATOR: Cheerios, celebs.

PHIL HAMMOND: It was a delight to meet Margie and Phil.

I've learned a lot.

All in all, high five.

A good day's work.

And well done, you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]